This transcript was automatically generated and might contain errors.

[0:00] Announcer: Thank you for inviting me into your ears. The following podcast is a benefit for the Actors Fund and Broadway Cares COVID-19 Emergency Assistance Fund. To donate, please visit www.broadwaycares.org slash help 2020. And if you don't, I'll come to your house.

[0:18] Announcer: Dracula, a Comedy of Terrors is brought to you by the Actors Fund, Broadway Cares and Floss. Keeps your breath fresh and your fangs clean.

[0:37] Announcer: Previously on Dracula, a Comedy of Terrors. Young Jonathan Harker traveled to Transylvania to execute a big real estate deal with none other than Count Dracula. But the count is more interested in his fiancée.

[0:50] Count Dracula: That skin, the likes of which I have not seen at least a thousand years.

[0:58] Announcer: The following week, a shipwreck off the coast of Whitby yielded no survivors, but Harker's intrepid fiancée, Lucy Westfeldt, discovered the captain's log.

[1:07] Lucy Westfeldt: This last line looks like it says six coffins full of earth headed for Carthax.

[1:14] Lucy Westfeldt: Oh, that dreadful abandoned house on the other side of town. Didn't Jonathan just sell that property?

[1:22] Mina Westfeldt: Yes, to a man in Transylvania. He must have been on that ship.

[1:26] Lucy Westfeldt: That's a very good guess, Lucy.

[1:32] Announcer: We now rejoin our story in progress as Wallace Westfeldt welcomes us to his daughter, Lucy's engagement party.

[1:40] Dr. Wallace Westfeldt: Ladies and gentlemen, friends and colleagues, for those of you I have yet to meet, I am Dr. Wallace Westfeldt, happy father of the bride. I am honored to welcome you to my home and asylum for rehabilitation of the criminally insane.

[1:54] Dr. Wallace Westfeldt: I am so pleased to have you all here tonight to celebrate Lucy and Jonathan. I am only sorry my beloved wife is not with us to share in this blessing, but I know that she is smiling down from the heavens, protecting this young couple as they begin to make their way in an increasingly turbulent world. So if you happen to feel a bit of damp in the air, think of it not as a residue of the English autumn, but rather as her tears of joy.

[2:27] Dr. Wallace Westfeldt: And may I also take this opportunity to say... Not now, Mina. So, it seems we've got a bit of time on our hands, but the happy couple should be down any minute. Cheers!

[2:40] Mina Westfeldt: Well done, Daddy.

[2:46] Dr. Wallace Westfeldt: Thank you, Mina. Why don't you introduce me to your gentlemen friends?

[2:54] Mina Westfeldt: Yes, father. This is the very charming Lord Cavendish. How do you do? And the handsome Lord Windsor.

[3:01] Lord Windsor: Lovely to meet you, charmed, I'm sure.

[3:06] Lord Swivelhips: And from America, the highly eligible Lord Swivelhips.

[3:12] Dr. Wallace Westfeldt: Oh, thank you. Well, thank you very much. Pleasure. Nice to see all this attention being lavished on my daughter.

[3:20] Lord Swivelhips: Your other daughter? Lucy?

[3:22] Lord Windsor: Yeah, the hot one. But Lucy is no longer on the market. I, however, am unencumbered by any suitors at all. So if you gentlemen should have even the slightest bit of interest...

[3:26] Dr. Wallace Westfeldt: All right, all right. Soft touch, darling. And where is your sister? I'm eager to bestow my well wishes.

[3:32] Mina Westfeldt: Of course you are. You know, if I get a little alone time with her, you know, I'm sure I can convince her to change her mind.

[3:38] Lord Swivelhips: Don't be rude, Swivelhips.

[3:43] Lord Windsor: You're the rude one. How very dare you. I was the first to arrive this evening.

[3:50] Dr. Wallace Westfeldt: Care for a top off, sir?

[3:56] Kitty: Kitty, please go fetch Lucy and Jonathan. You can tell the lovebirds they have a restless crowd down here.

[4:01] Dr. Wallace Westfeldt: Yes, Dr. Westfeldt. Anything else I can get you?

[4:08] Kitty: You can give me my stethoscope. I noticed it went missing after our last checkup.

[4:14] Dr. Wallace Westfeldt: Yes, Mr. Doctor, sir. I can't very well be expected to cure your kleptomania without the tools of my trade, can I?

[4:22] Kitty: No, sir, doctor, mister. Right along then, Kitty.

[4:28] Dr. Wallace Westfeldt: Uh, leave the champagne and also my watch.

[4:33] Lord Windsor: I, for one, think Kitty is making excellent progress.

[4:40] Lord Swivelhips: Sir, I must say, allowing your patients to live right here in your home isn't your troublesome. I'm living with a bunch of Froot Loops.

[4:46] Mina Westfeldt: Gentlemen, insanity is merely society's failure to recognize individuality in sparkle.

[4:54] Dr. Wallace Westfeldt: Father is an advocate for sparkle.

[4:56] Mina Westfeldt: I am. I love sparkles. I can't deny it.

[5:01] Lord Windsor: Be that as it may, I am not entirely comfortable with them.

[5:08] Lord Swivelhips: Sparkles? No, crazy people like woo-woo, you know.

[5:14] Mina Westfeldt: We refuse to be served by these monsters.

[5:20] Dr. Wallace Westfeldt: These people are not monsters. They are suffering, and if none of... and if none of you recognize their potential, then none of you are worthy to call yourself my suitor.

[5:28] Lord Windsor: We weren't. We're here for your sister.

[5:33] Lord Swivelhips: Yeah, in case she changes her mind. Vultures, get out of our house now. The only monsters here are you.

[5:37] Mina Westfeldt: Well done, Mina. I didn't know you had it in you.

[5:43] Mina Westfeldt: Neither did I. There are other things I wish I had in me.

[5:47] Mina Westfeldt: Mina? But alas, I am destined to live my life unloved and alone.

[5:52] Count Dracula: Allow me to introduce myself. I am Count Dracula.

[5:59] Mina Westfeldt: Oh, hello. I realize you will likely have many questions about me. Feel free to ask them all. I am not afraid to talk about myself.

[6:07] Mina Westfeldt: Well, isn't that a refreshing quality in a man? Are you a friend of the bride or the groom?

[6:14] Count Dracula: I am Mr. Harker's real estate client. I just moved to town.

[6:22] Mina Westfeldt: How wonderful. You must be Lucy's sister.

[6:30] Count Dracula: Yes, I got all the recessive genes.

[6:37] Mina Westfeldt: How do you know Lucy?

[6:45] Count Dracula: I have only ever seen her image once, but I have not been able to forget it.

[6:52] Mina Westfeldt: Yes, she's very memorable. I baked this for the happy couple. It's a babka.

[7:00] Count Dracula: Oh, does it happen to be...

[7:12] Mina Westfeldt: Yes, it's gluten-free, cruelty-free, vegan, non-GMO and certified organic. I also brought one for the rest of us that tastes good.

[7:22] Count Dracula: Ah, lovely jubbly. Oh my god. You're amazing, aren't you?

[7:30] Mina Westfeldt: I do my best. I used extra salt. Good for the blood pressure.

[7:37] Count Dracula: Wouldn't that raise the blood pressure?

[7:43] Mina Westfeldt: To balance the sweets. Marie Antoinette's chef gave me that tip before he lost his head.

[7:52] Count Dracula: Oh, he's having us on. Nice one, Count. I'll just have Kitty plate this for the guests.

[7:59] Mina Westfeldt: Marie Antoinette, how old are you?

[7:36] Jeff Kready: I give you the bride and groom-to-be, Jonathan Harker, and my lovely daughter, Lucy Westfeldt.

[7:44] Ashley Park: So kind of you all to join us.

[7:47] Annaleigh Ashford: Yes, we're thrilled to share this magical evening with so many special people.

[7:52] Jeff Kready: So, drink up, and if anyone is interested in my other daughter, Mina, all offers will be considered. Come, darling, let's greet our guests properly.

[8:05] Jeff Kready: Jonathan!

[8:06] Christopher Sieber: I don't believe my eyes. Dracula, old man, you are alive!

[8:10] Christopher Sieber: I wouldn't go that far.

[8:12] Jeff Kready: I thought everyone on that ship perished.

[8:14] Christopher Sieber: I managed a narrow escape.

[8:16] Jeff Kready: Extraordinary. We must let the papers know.

[8:19] Christopher Sieber: No, no, no, please. It was harrowing enough to live through at once.

[8:23] Jeff Kready: Yes, yes, of course, but the story, it's tremendous. You'd be famous.

[8:29] Christopher Sieber: I'm happy living in the shadows.

[8:32] Jeff Kready: I'm so very glad to see you, and looking rather well, all things considered.

[8:35] Christopher Sieber: I need a haircut, but not bad, am I?

[8:39] Ashley Park: Jonathan, darling, your friends are absolute charmers.

[8:42] Christopher Sieber: Oh, I'm sorry, I don't believe we've met.

[8:45] Ashley Park: Lucy, your fiancé has told me so much about you.

[8:49] Annaleigh Ashford: Has he? All good, I hope.

[8:51] Christopher Sieber: Naturally.

[8:52] Annaleigh Ashford: Count Dracula, you are even more compelling in person.

[8:56] Christopher Sieber: I don't think anyone has ever French kissed my hand before.

[9:02] Annaleigh Ashford: How continental.

[9:04] Annaleigh Ashford: Count, where did you say you were from?

[9:07] Christopher Sieber: The Carpathian Mountains.

[9:09] Jeff Kready: The Count just purchased Carfax.

[9:11] Annaleigh Ashford: Really? Bit of a fixer-upper, eh?

[9:14] Christopher Sieber: It's perfect as it is.

[9:16] Annaleigh Ashford: Even with the mold, and the bugs, and the smell?

[9:19] Christopher Sieber: Doesn't bother me. I lived in New York for a year after college.

[9:24] Jeff Kready: It seems this is a highly resilient man.

[9:26] Jeff Kready: He's the sole survivor of last night's shipwreck.

[9:29] Annaleigh Ashford: Really? You certainly clean up well.

[9:32] Christopher Sieber: A little concealer goes a long way.

[9:35] Jeff Kready: Count, the ship's manifest reported six boxes of soil from abroad.

[9:39] Annaleigh Ashford: You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?

[9:41] Christopher Sieber: As a matter of fact, they are mine.

[9:43] Christopher Sieber: I plan to grow some of my native herbs from back home for baking.

[9:48] Annaleigh Ashford: Fascinating.

[9:49] Christopher Sieber: Yes, most women react similarly.

[9:53] Annaleigh Ashford: You're a man who bakes, right?

[9:54] Christopher Sieber: I meant the soil.

[9:56] Christopher Sieber: I happen to have been an earth sciences major at Oxford.

[9:59] Annaleigh Ashford: Oh, I see. Impressive.

[10:02] Annaleigh Ashford: Hardly. It wasn't like I came in top of my class and then couldn't find work because I was a woman.

[10:08] Annaleigh Ashford: Oh, wait.

[10:09] Ashley Park: Bright side is, she's about to start the most important job of all.

[10:14] Ashley Park: Wife and mother.

[10:16] Annaleigh Ashford: Yay.

[10:17] Christopher Sieber: Lucy, might I invite you over to see my soil samples?

[10:21] Ashley Park: That's very generous of you, Count.

[10:23] Christopher Sieber: Excellent. Come with me now.

[10:25] Ashley Park: Now? In the middle of my engagement party? Silly.

[10:29] Christopher Sieber: We'll find time in the next week or two.

[10:31] Annaleigh Ashford: So you don't want to?

[10:33] Ashley Park: Go home with you?

[10:36] Christopher Sieber: Thanks for the laugh, Count.

[10:38] Christopher Sieber: Welcome to Whitby.

[10:40] Jeff Kready: Come, Lucy darling. I want to introduce you to my cousins, Mary and Shelley.

[10:46] James Monroe Iglehart: Count, how are you getting on?

[10:50] James Monroe Iglehart: Has Renfield offered you something to eat?

[10:53] Christopher Sieber: Renfield?

[10:54] James Monroe Iglehart: One of my patients. He's working the party to develop his social skills.

[10:58] James Monroe Iglehart: Renfield!

[10:59] Alex Brightman: Yes, Doctor?

[11:01] James Monroe Iglehart: Will you please come back in here?

[11:03] Alex Brightman: Coming, Doctor.

[11:05] James Monroe Iglehart: He's got little to no self-esteem, so he's highly suggestible.

[11:09] Christopher Sieber: Not a problem.

[11:10] James Monroe Iglehart: And he eats bugs.

[11:12] Christopher Sieber: I'll see what's keeping him.

[11:14] James Monroe Iglehart: You must be famished from your shipwreck.

[11:17] James Monroe Iglehart: Can I offer you a bite?

[11:19] Annaleigh Ashford: Mina, do come along.

[11:21] Annaleigh Ashford: Dad, I'm coming! God!

[11:24] Alex Brightman: Good evening, sir.

[11:26] Christopher Sieber: Would you like a cheesy thing?

[11:28] Alex Brightman: No, thank you.

[11:30] Christopher Sieber: Let me guess. Renfield.

[11:33] Alex Brightman: Do I know you?

[11:35] Christopher Sieber: Not yet. But I know you.

[11:39] Alex Brightman: You do?

[11:42] Christopher Sieber: Then you know yourself. You're lonely.

[11:45] Christopher Sieber: You're misunderstood. You're without purpose.

[11:49] Alex Brightman: It's like you can see right into my soul.

[11:52] Christopher Sieber: My only relief is in serving others.

[11:55] Alex Brightman: Well, I've got a little pension for being served.

[11:59] Christopher Sieber: And I could use some help cleaning around Carfax.

[12:02] Christopher Sieber: In case I should have a guest.

[12:04] Christopher Sieber: You're not afraid of a bug or two, are you?

[12:08] Alex Brightman: Bugs? What sort of bugs?

[12:11] Christopher Sieber: Sweet or savoury? Can you be more specific?

[12:14] Christopher Sieber: Why don't you come by later tonight and see for yourself?

[12:17] Christopher Sieber: I'll prepare an assortment.

[12:19] Christopher Sieber: When it comes to living ingredients, I'm a master chef.

[12:23] Alex Brightman: Master chef!

[12:25] Christopher Sieber: Come by. Three a.m. Tell no one.

[12:27] Alex Brightman: Yes, master...

[12:30] Alex Brightman: chef.

[12:34] Ashley Park: I'm back!

[12:38] Annaleigh Ashford: Down the hatch!

[12:41] Christopher Sieber: If I may say so, that's a very handsome dress you're wearing.

[12:45] Annaleigh Ashford: It's a cape.

[12:47] Christopher Sieber: Whatever it is, it's very becoming.

[12:49] Annaleigh Ashford: Thank you, Mina.

[12:51] Christopher Sieber: You remember my name!

[12:54] Annaleigh Ashford: Has anyone ever told you that you have a beautiful neck?

[12:58] Christopher Sieber: No! No, they haven't.

[13:01] Annaleigh Ashford: They usually comment on my strong shoulders and prominent Adam's apple.

[13:05] Christopher Sieber: You don't say!

[13:07] Annaleigh Ashford: No, it's silly. Men are ever so predictable.

[13:10] Annaleigh Ashford: But my neck...

[13:12] Annaleigh Ashford: What a refreshing compliment!

[13:14] Christopher Sieber: The way it curves gently, pitching it at just the right angle to show off your exquisite jugular.

[13:21] Christopher Sieber: You're not like all the other men in Whitby, are you?

[13:25] Christopher Sieber: Transylvania is very far from here.

[13:27] Christopher Sieber: Simply put, I am a stranger in a strange land.

[13:30] Annaleigh Ashford: Funny. I've always felt that way myself.

[13:34] Christopher Sieber: Of course you have.

[13:36] Christopher Sieber: All of us are alone, aren't we?

[13:38] Christopher Sieber: Craving momentary comfort in the arms of one who will hold you tight, caress your skin and take complete control of you.

[13:43] Annaleigh Ashford: You want to get out of here?

[13:49] Christopher Sieber: My house is just across town.

[13:50] Annaleigh Ashford: Good. I'll grab a bottle.

[13:51] Christopher Sieber: Don't bother.

[13:52] Christopher Sieber: I'm suddenly thirsty for something else.

[13:58] Christopher Sieber: Will Count Dracula try his luck with Lucy again?

[14:03] Christopher Sieber: What plans does he have for the vulnerable and willing Mina?

[14:06] Christopher Sieber: And what of Renfield?

[14:08] Christopher Sieber: And will he be bringing any more cake?

[14:11] Christopher Sieber: The answers to these questions and more next week on...

[14:15] Christopher Sieber: Dracula, a comedy of terrors.

[14:21] Alan Tudyk: Dracula, a comedy of terrors was written by Gordon Greenberg and Steve Rosen.

[14:25] Alan Tudyk: Directed by Gordon Greenberg, associate director by Marty Maguire.

[14:29] Alan Tudyk: Edited and mixed by Bart Fassbender with original music and sound design by Victoria D'Oreo.

[14:34] Alan Tudyk: Produced by Dori Berinstein and Alan Seales for the Broadway Podcast Network.

[14:39] Alan Tudyk: This week's episode featured Christopher Sieber as Dracula, Jeff Kready as Jonathan Harker, Ashley Park as Lucy Westfeld, Annaleigh Ashford as Mina Westfeld, James Monroe Iglehart as Dr. Wallace Westfeld, Rob McClure as Lords Cavendish and Windsor, John Stamos as Lord Swivelhips, Kathy Fitzgerald as Kitty, Alex Brightman as Renfield, and I am your narrator, Alan Tudyk.

[15:03] Alan Tudyk: Dracula, a comedy of terrors was commissioned and originally produced by the Maltz-Jupiter Theater, Andrew Cato, producing artistic director, chief executive.