This transcript was automatically generated and might contain errors.

[0:01] Lesli Margherita: Welcome, listeners! If you followed this rollercoaster adventure this far, then you must know how much is riding on what is about to happen. Avatar the Musical has, somehow, successfully evaded detection by James Cameron and is set to open at the Mark Hellinger Theatre tonight, co-produced by sworn enemies Cheryl Phillips and Steve Jones. This is the very first performance of Avatar, as previews were cancelled due to voiceless diva Emma Olivia. The pressure tonight is crushing. It’s make or break. In fact, I may need to excuse myself to do some breathing exercises to stay calm.

[0:44] Lesli Margherita: Okay, here’s where we are. Married writers Kay and Bobby are still writers, but may not be married for long, given the dramatic toll this show and Bobby’s ex Thomas has taken on them. And where is Thomas? Gone, when it was clear Bobby wasn’t interested in rekindling their long-ago romance. In the meantime, director-choreographer Zoe Taylor is steering the entire enterprise magnificently, re-envisioning the biggest blue blockbuster in motion picture history in shades of yellow and black, with stalwart support from her adorable science consultant virtuoso, Andrew Barth Feldman! That Andrew. All the while, Bill Berloni is wrangling banshees, and star-to-be Stavros, who appeared out of nowhere like the great god Neptune himself, all flowing hair and rippling abs, oh my god, is about to make his Broadway debut.

And star Emma Olivia is, well, why ruin the surprise? Here we go. It’s the day of the show, y'all. Do you think anyone in Avatar has said that yet? LOL. I’m wearing Prada, I’m standing in Blahnik, and I own none of it. Red carpet ready, and ready to watch a train wreck. I mean, a slow-moving car crash. I mean, the show. Hashtag, looking fabulous as usual.

[2:11] Lesli Margherita: Hey, it’s Julie James.

[2:13] Jordan Williams: Hey, this is Matt Britton from Broadway.com.

[2:17] David Gordon: It’s David Gordon for theater.

[2:20] Frank DiLella: Hi, I’m Frank DiLella, and we’re here at the epic opening night of Avatar, the musical. First performance ever. I’ve never seen anything like it, folks. Tonight’s festivities are leaving P.T. Barnum in the dust. Times Square has been transformed into an intergalactic fantasyland. They’ve gone all Navi, and it’s thrilling.

[2:42] Frank DiLella: Oh, there’s Jordan Roth, president of Jew Jampson Theaters. You look incredible, Jordan. You got done yourself. A vision in yellow and black. Bravo.

[2:52] Frank DiLella: Oh, and there are Avatar producers Cheryl Phillips and Steve Jones. It’s their night. Cheryl, Steve, come over here.

[3:00] Cheryl Phillips: Hi, Frank.

[3:01] Steve Jones: Wonderful to see you.

[3:03] Frank DiLella: Looking good, Frank.

[3:04] Steve Jones: Thanks, Steve. Hi, Cheryl. Congratulations on tonight. What an extravaganza. I haven’t seen such a star-studded opening night since Meryl did that Actors Fund benefit concert of Funny Girl. But as we all know, an Emma Olivia opening night is a big deal. Tell me, are the rumors true that she’s more talk singing through this one?

[3:24] Cheryl Phillips: What do you mean, Frank?

[3:25] Frank DiLella: Cheryl, come on. You cancelled previews because she couldn’t even speak. Is it more of an acting performance from Broadway’s favorite, Beltris?

[3:33] Cheryl Phillips: She’s 100% now, Frank. Not to worry. We took the bold step of foregoing previews so that Emma Olivia could return to full voice. Prepare for the roof to blow off the Hellinger, Frank.

[3:46] Frank DiLella: So brave. No previews. Wow. That’s never been done before. You and Steve sure set the bar for stunning, gutsy producing. Clearly, you have massive confidence in this production. I’m in serious awe.

[4:00] Cheryl Phillips: Yes, well, have you seen our flying banshees, Frank?

[4:03] Steve Jones: Banshee! Get over here.

[4:08] Frank DiLella: Oh! Oh, my God! We’re not messing around here, Frank. Our audience is transported to Pandora as soon as they’re within two blocks of the theater.

[4:25] Cheryl Phillips: Of course, this is our first night of banshee flying, so there may be a few kids. For the record, I had nothing to do with those flying banshee. My only interaction with this idea is to make sure we had sufficient insurance in place.

[4:40] Frank DiLella: Smart producing, Cheryl. I mean, look around, Frank. It’s Pandora. It’s Pandora. People are getting in the mood. Oh, look at that kid. Look at that kid. He’s screaming, but he’s having a great time. I love it.

[4:53] Frank DiLella: Oh, there’s banshee wrangler Bill Berloni. Let’s see if we can grab him for a moment. Bill, join us.

[4:57] Bill Berloni: Sorry, Frank. I got to get backstage and—

[5:02] Frank DiLella: Oh, no. One of the banshees just took off with Michael Riedel.

[5:06] Bill Berloni: Ha! I wonder if that was intentional. Why didn’t we all think of that long ago?

[5:12] Frank DiLella: Hmm. With mere moments to go before curtain, I bet the drama inside the theater is just as dramatic and exciting as it is outside of the theater.

[5:24] Lesli Margherita: Hey, Deb.

[5:26] Deb: Hey, I just want to say break a leg. Are you still backstage?

[5:30] Lesli Margherita: Yep. I’m taking a seat in a sec.

[5:32] Deb: Good. Well, I just wanted to catch you before the curtain and let you know I am so damn proud of you.

[5:38] Lesli Margherita: Oh, thanks, Deb. I appreciate that. It’s almost over. That’s what I’m focused on, the end of all this.

[5:45] Deb: That’s something to celebrate for sure. I’m counting down the seconds.

[5:49] Lesli Margherita: Well, your work is excellent. You rose to the occasion. And you killed it, in spite of everything. Just please try to enjoy tonight. I mean, you should really feel great.

[5:58] Lesli Margherita: Great? Well, that word doesn’t quite capture my emotions.

[6:02] Deb: Well, I’m always here for you, Kay. You know that.

[6:05] Lesli Margherita: I know. I know. Just keep Bobby away from me at the party. I don’t have the bandwidth to deal with him now. And hey, I really appreciate you letting me stay with you.

[6:15] Deb: Whatever you need. Always.

[6:18] Lesli Margherita: Well, I better take my seat.

[6:20] Deb: Okay, yeah. Me too. Love you, Deb.

[6:23] Deb: Love you, Kay.

[6:24] Unknown speaker: Does anyone have eyes on Emma Olivia?

[6:27] Unknown speaker: No, not lately. She’s not in her dressing room. Just checked.

[6:31] Unknown speaker: I saw her standing on the trampoline about an hour ago. Did she say she was going somewhere?

[6:36] Unknown speaker: Given her vocal rest orders, we didn’t chat. I just wished her a good show. She threw her latte at me. Nothing unusual.

[6:44] Unknown speaker: I wanted to check on her. She wasn’t quite show ready yesterday. Has she warmed up?

[6:49] Unknown speaker: Our production manager said she was talking nonstop, and I haven’t actually heard her sing full out.

[6:54] Unknown speaker: Oh, she better hit the rafters tonight, or she sung her last note. Ever.

[6:59] Unknown speaker: Okay, it’s 15 minutes till curtain. Let’s find our star, everyone. The show’s star, M.I.A., just moments before curtain? Ha! I just love opening night. The drama behind the curtain is always so juicy.

[7:14] Unknown speaker: Wait, what’s this? A super stretch black and yellow limo pulling right up to the red carpet outside the theater? Everyone is already inside, and every celeb on my advance sheet has already walked the carpet. Who could this be? Surprise guest? Let’s swoop down like a banshee and take a look.

[7:32] Unknown speaker: I think it’s going to be in 3D, like that scene. Here’s my favorite.

[7:36] Unknown speaker: Oh, please be my favorite. Is that you?

[7:39] Unknown speaker: Oh, wow. Is that you?

[7:41] Unknown speaker: It’s really you. Emma Olivia.

[7:43] Emma Olivia: What? Well, well, well. This makes absolutely no sense.

[7:50] Emma Olivia: Hello, adoring fans. Yes, yes, hi. Yes, here I am. Emma Olivia, live and in person. I know, just for you, and you, and you, and you.

[8:04] Julie James: Emma Olivia, how about a few minutes for Broadway names with Julie James?

[8:08] Emma Olivia: Certainly, Julie. What an honor to speak with you just, um, minutes before you’re supposed to appear on stage in Avatar?

[8:16] Julie James: Oh, I just couldn’t disappoint the fans. I’m not sure I’ve ever had the pleasure of speaking with a star on the red carpet seconds before the show starts. What a wonderful surprise.

[8:28] Emma Olivia: I know. It is, right? And I love your gown.

[8:33] Julie James: Why, thank you, Julie. Fifteen hundred obsessive fans got together to bead this Prada chiffon owed to Pandora Ensemble for me. I’m so loved. It’s just, like, overwhelming sometimes.

[8:47] Emma Olivia: It’s stunning. I know. And wait till you see what I have for the opening night party at the Met.

[8:53] Julie James: Well, it is your night, Emma Olivia.

[8:56] Emma Olivia: Yes, it is, Julie. And I say this with all humility. I am the star. I mean, this whole show rests on my shoulders and I will not buckle under the weight. I mean, I do too much Pilates to have a core that can’t handle this, right? And I’ve done too many cleanses to not stomach what I need to do. Julie, no, I don’t take stardom lightly. No, this is a responsibility. And at times, you know, it’s a burden to deal with all that love and admiration constantly raining down on me.

[9:34] Emma Olivia: But I am first and foremost a Broadway trooper. I will always rise to the occasion.

[9:40] Julie James: A wonderful quality, Emma Olivia. Bravo! That humility, that generosity of spirit. One of a kind for sure, that Emma Olivia. I mean, could you even imagine if there were two or three Emma Olivias? Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow! We’d all be taking Xanax like vitamins. But if only there was one Emma Olivia waiting right now on the wings ready to go on. They must be freaking out backstage.

[10:07] Unknown speaker: Have you seen Emma Olivia?

[10:11] Unknown speaker: What? Isn’t she in her dressing room?

[10:13] Unknown speaker: Okay. When did you last see her?

[10:16] Unknown speaker: Around 45 minutes ago. She was doing her deep breathing exercises backstage and her psychoanalyst, I believe his name is Dr. Harold, was on speakerphone. Have you checked with Stavros?

[10:27] Unknown speaker: Not yet, but that is a great idea. Gotta go, bye.

[10:31] Unknown speaker: Hey, Andrew, have you seen Emma Olivia?

[10:33] Andrew Barth Feldman: Around 20 minutes ago. She tackled David Korns because he was telling Natasha Katz that he saw Macbeth at BAM last week. You know Emma Olivia and her superstitions. Never say the M word anywhere near her.

[10:44] Unknown speaker: Jeez! Is David okay?

[10:46] Andrew Barth Feldman: I think so. But Paul Taswell was caught in the crossfire when Emma Olivia thought Paul was holding peacock feathers.

[10:53] Unknown speaker: Oh, what? You gotta be kidding.

[10:56] Andrew Barth Feldman: Nope, not kidding.

[10:57] Unknown speaker: Is he okay?

[10:59] Andrew Barth Feldman: A little bruised, I think, but okay.

[11:01] Unknown speaker: Hey, okay, have you seen Kay?

[11:03] Unknown speaker: Stage left, I think.

[11:05] Bobby: So not my place, but you might want to give her space tonight.

[11:09] Stavros: 400, 401, 402.

[11:17] Unknown speaker: Stavros, places in five.

[11:20] Stavros: Places?

[11:21] Unknown speaker: Places, you know, places.

[11:24] Stavros: Sorry, I'm new here. What does that mean?

[11:26] Unknown speaker: Oh, wow, okay. You need to get to the wings pronto. The show is starting in just a few minutes and you gotta be ready. And I know you're going to be spectacular, Stavros. You got this.

[11:37] Stavros: Thank you, Zoe, I really don't know about that, but I'll give it my best. I'll be there in just a sec, just a few more push-ups.

[11:45] Unknown speaker: Um, okay. Question, have you seen Emma Olivia?

[11:52] Stavros: Not since last night. She wrote something on a piece of paper how she never wanted to see me again. I think she was in character. I took it to mean she needed some time alone, so I slept on the cot in my dressing room last night.

[12:04] Unknown speaker: Whoa, you did?

[12:05] Stavros: Yeah. Emma Olivia is the star. Whatever she needs to get into the zone, I totally respect.

[12:11] Unknown speaker: Wow. Okay, thanks.

[12:15] Unknown speaker: What the hell-o is going on? Doesn't Emma Olivia own a watch? Not even one of those cool new Apple watches that does everything for you? I mean, with all her trampolining, you'd think she'd be tracking calories burned. I don't know about you, but I walk in circles every night in my apartment to reach my daily goal. Crazy.

[12:35] Unknown speaker: It does sound crazy now that I'm saying that out loud. Hmm, I'll check back in on that.

[12:40] Unknown speaker: Yoo-hoo! Looks like everyone is in their seats. The curtain is about to go up. All we need is the star.

[12:47] Unknown speaker: Yoo-hoo! Will somebody please get that diva backstage?

[12:52] Unknown speaker: And Stavros. What a discovery! A total triple threat and then some. He’s certainly taking the Broadway world by storm, and no one's even seen the show.

[13:03] Unknown speaker: Oh, right, him. Yes. You know, it is a stormy situation.

[13:08] Unknown speaker: Mm-hmm. I think Julie can't act, can't sing. I mean, I'm going to have to carry him every single night. It’s a giant burden for sure. But you know me.

[13:22] Unknown speaker: I'll do whatever it takes for this special show. But I...

[13:26] Unknown speaker: I know, so selfless. Yes, yes it is. Okay.

[13:31] Cheryl Philips: Let me set you straight, James. He was my boyfriend. My boyfriend. Emma-Olivia and her no-name, no-talent personal trainer.

[13:44] Steve Jones: Uh, okay.

[13:47] Cheryl Philips: What the hell?! What do you mean you haven't found Emma-Olivia?! Curtain goes up in eight minutes. Find her!

[13:53] Steve Jones: This is absurd. She's got to be here. We need our star. Where is she?

[14:00] Unknown speaker: I found her. She's on the red carpet talking to Julie James.

[14:03] Steve Jones: What?! Get her out of there now! She's got to be in costume and ready to belt in six minutes.

[14:08] Unknown speaker: Yes, sir.

[14:09] Steve Jones: I'm going to kill her before she gets killed by the reviews.

[14:13] Unknown speaker: I got it. Don't worry.

[14:16] Steve Jones: Drop it! Drop it! Drop the dress!

[14:19] Emma-Olivia: I was right in the middle of my interview. How dare you?! And watch my chiffon train!

[14:25] Steve Jones: What were you thinking? It's Curtain. Get yourself in costume immediately.

[14:30] Emma-Olivia: This is my show, Steve. And if I want to talk to the press to generate PR for my show, I'm going to do it. I mean, someone's got to do it. I certainly can't count on you and Cheryl to handle that responsibility. The curtain will go up when I'm good and ready.

[14:47] Cheryl Philips: Steve, keep things calm. She's about to go on stage.

[14:51] Steve Jones: I will not be calm. This is madness.

[14:55] Cheryl Philips: Thank God we have Stavros. He's the real star of the show anyway.

[14:59] Emma-Olivia: Steve, chill. I've got this. It's okay. It's okay. It's all going to be fine. Let's just get you ready to go on.

[15:11] Unknown speaker: Emmy, there you are. I'm so glad you're here. You look so beautiful. Happy opening night. I'm so excited and honored to get out there on stage with you.

[15:26] Emma-Olivia: What the hell?

[15:31] Unknown speaker: Oh my God! Stop it!

[15:33] Unknown speaker: Are you okay?

[15:40] Cheryl Philips: Emma-Olivia, what have you done?

[15:43] Emma-Olivia: I'm okay. Not to worry.

[15:45] Emma-Olivia: Oh, come on. I'm doing this for dramaturgical reasons. I have to save the show. To save it. For everyone. For Bobby and Thomas. For you and Steve. For whoever that ensemble is filming me right now is. Okay, now the show can finally open. It can open. It can work. I mean, it's all about the work, Cheryl. It's always about the craft. It all comes down to what's on the page, right? I mean, we got into this business to play. We are a family, right? I mean, this is a community. I love you all. And to the camera. To all of those wonderful people out there in the dark. My people.

[16:37] Unknown speaker: Oh my God, what just happened?

[16:40] Unknown speaker: She just pushed Stavros down the stairs and went all Nelly O'Hara.

[16:45] Unknown speaker: Stavros! Is Emma-Olivia okay? Are you okay?

[16:49] Stavros: Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm trained in gymnastics. So I just turned the fall into a side aerial double front and landed it perfectly. Not a scratch on me. See?

[16:58] Unknown speaker: That must get very expensive. We have to find Emma-Olivia. We have to stop her.

[17:03] Unknown speaker: And where is our bonkers diva?

[17:06] Unknown speaker: She's in the alley midway through an epic rant. And, oh, is that the Broadway disher? What perfect timing. Can't wait for that tweet.

[17:17] Emma-Olivia: They love me. Right? I'm Emma-Olivia. I'm Emma-Olivia. The greatest star of them all. Patti LuPone? More like no-pone. Like anyone would care about Stavros in my show. That whole team. Everybody. Everybody. Everybody has gone crazy. The whole world loves me, right? But the best part of any show I'm in is me. Me. Emma-Olivia. Emma-Olivia.

[17:48] Unknown speaker: Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. What about the opening night? Oh, I have to get back in there. Oh god. Oh god. God. God. God. Oh god. Yes. Yes. Yes. I can hear you. Yes. Yes. A nunnery. Oh, a convent girl. Like Sally Bowles. Like Sally Bowles, but younger. Oh, I could try nonsense. Nonsense. But method. I could actually become a nun. A nun. Yes. Yes. That's what I'll do. Immersive theater. Immersive theater. That is the future. That's where I will shine. Oh, it is time to take my career back. Time to be Emma-Olivia again. Not Stavros' girlfriend.

[18:40] Unknown speaker: Who are you? Are you filming me? Put that phone away. I said put that phone away or I'll... I am a treasure. I am the golden girl. I am the golden girl, Stavros.

[19:01] Unknown speaker: O-M-M-O. Emma-Olivia went full Grey Gardens in the alleyway behind the Hellinger on opening night of Avatar before a banshee swooped in and took off with her and I got the whole thing on film. Anyone want to watch? But what does this mean for the show?

[19:20] Unknown speaker: Fine. I'll go on. Just hit me with a hot run, boys. Hashtag, it's time for my close-up. Emma-Olivia is flying over Times Square in the arms of a banshee. We're stuck. No understudy as per Emma-Olivia's damn contract. I don't know why we ever agreed to that.

[19:39] Cheryl Philips: Because Maxwell Fernsby is a greedy idiot who connived to give Emma-Olivia everything she wanted as part of his Avatar power play.

[19:48] Unknown speaker: What happened to that guy anyway?

[19:51] Frank: Great to see you. I'd love to grab five minutes of your time if I could. I have a great idea for a segment on the new generation of agents.

[19:59] Maxwell Fernsby: Sorry, who are you?

[20:01] Frank: Maxwell Fernsby. C-A-A-A.

[20:03] Unknown speaker: Sure, why don't we do next week? Just call my office.

[20:06] Maxwell Fernsby: But if you have time now before the show starts...

[20:09] Unknown speaker: I really need to get to my seat.

[20:13] Cheryl Philips: Maxwell, this isn't the time. Mr. DeLalla is trying to be kind, but he has no idea who you are and wants to get to his seat.

[20:23] Maxwell Fernsby: Sorry?

[20:24] Frank: I expected more from the Max I thought I knew.

[20:28] Maxwell Fernsby: Oh, sorry. You're, uh, Maxwell now, aren't you?

[20:33] Unknown speaker: I know that voice. Can you get me a Venti Cap'n Crunch Frappuccino with extra java chips and whipped cream?

[20:38] Maxwell Fernsby: Oh my god, it is you!

[20:41] Charles: That's right, Max. Your boss, Charles, an actual agent, has returned. And those dimples! Charles, my god, they're like craters on the moon!

[20:53] Charles: Yes, I look like I'm smiling even when I'm furious. Max, I'm furious now. Can you tell?

[21:00] Maxwell Fernsby: Not at all. I mean, you look very dashing. I...

[21:04] Charles: Oh, um, you said you're furious?

[21:07] Maxwell Fernsby: That barely covers it. But Charles, I mean, look at all the CAAA clients involved in the biggest show of the decade!

[21:15] Charles: Max, I've been keeping a close eye on everything. And what I've seen is shameless greed, graft, and manipulation. That's fine if you're a senior agent. But from a very, very junior agent such as yourself? Shocking. And unacceptable. And also highly illegal. I've looked over the contracts you drew up. None of them are enforceable.

[21:41] Maxwell Fernsby: I was just trying to do what I thought you would do!

[21:44] Charles: Seriously, Max? Oh, you've got totally Eve Harrington on me here. Look, here's the bottom line. You're not agent material. Not even close.

[21:55] Maxwell Fernsby: I could work in the mail room.

[21:57] Charles: We're going paperless. You're gonna regret this, Charles!

[22:00] Charles: Max! Max, Max, Max. Agenting is an art. We exist to serve and elevate our clients. Not to manipulate, malign, and mistreat them. When I saw Sidney Pollack play Agent George Fields in Tootsie... oh, I knew being an agent was my destiny. You don't have the deep passion or respect required to carry the C-A-A-A flag, Max.

[22:35] Maxwell Fernsby: It's Burnsby.

[22:37] Frank: Great to see you! Sorry about my former assistant. Shall we head in? Can't wait to see what all the fuss is about.

[22:46] Unknown speaker: The show is supposed to start in less than five minutes? Emma-Olivia is airborne? What a nightmare!

[22:51] Unknown speaker: Oh my god! What are we going to do?

[22:54] Unknown speaker: I've got it! Debra!

[22:56] Unknown speaker: What?

[22:57] Unknown speaker: Debra! Debra can play Trace!

[22:59] Unknown speaker: What? What?

[23:01] Unknown speaker: She knows the whole show and she's a fantastic performer!

[23:03] Unknown speaker: That's true. I heard her singing the score in between auditions. She's got a great voice.

[23:08] Unknown speaker: This is unheard of! We can't put our casting director on as the lead in our musical minutes before we open with no prep at all!

[23:17] Unknown speaker: Oh yes we can. Amazing idea, Kay!

[23:21] Bobby: Shut up, Bobby.

[23:26] Unknown speaker: Ladies and gentlemen, the show will be starting momentarily. We are having a slight technical glitch. Nothing to worry about. We should be getting things underway in just a few minutes. Oh, and would Debra Hannaford please come backstage?

[23:46] Unknown speaker: Thank you.

[23:47] Debra: What? Me? Huh? Excuse me. Hi. Sorry. Yep. Nope. That's me. Yeah. I don't know either. Can I just... Thank you. Okay. Thank you. So sorry.

[24:00] Unknown speaker: I don't think this is a good idea.

[24:02] Unknown speaker: What choice do we have? Public vlogging. That's theatrical. Can we do that? Somebody get my lawyer on the phone.

[24:08] Steve Jones: Oh, really productive, Steve!

[24:10] Unknown speaker: Debra! Debra! Hi there! So great to see you.

[24:14] Debra: Hey, what's going on? Is everything okay?

[24:16] Unknown speaker: Okay, well obviously not because I'm standing here. So what is happening?

[24:19] Unknown speaker: Look, we're having a tiny little issue and we'd love for you to go on tonight for Emma-Olivia.

[24:27] Debra: Haha, sure. Funny. Seriously, what's happening? What's going on?

[24:31] Unknown speaker: Um, why is everyone staring at me?

[24:34] Unknown speaker: Honey! Kay sums it up beautifully. We're thinking that making a little cast change this evening is the way to go.

[24:44] Debra: Wait. I'm sorry. Am I being pranked? Five minutes to curtain and you guys are taking the time to prank me.

[24:50] Unknown speaker: Actually, no, Debra. It's not a prank.

[24:52] Debra: Okay, well this is insane. I cannot go on. What the hell are you thinking? I'm not an actor.

[24:58] Unknown speaker: No, you were a great actor.

[24:59] Debra: Was an actor. Was. And also not so great.

[25:02] Unknown speaker: Yep, you were great. And you are great.

[25:05] Debra: Well, thanks, but I ran into a little problem called extreme stage fright. You know that, Kay? You know very well what happened to the Amundsen. Center stage on opening night, for heaven's sake, is the very last place in the world I should ever be.

[25:20] Unknown speaker: Katy Perry has stage fright and look at her. Beyoncé still suffers from it. And Barbra Streisand has it. The Babs.

[25:26] Unknown speaker: Yeah, not helping. You people are crazy.

[25:30] Unknown speaker: No, Debra, you can do this.

[25:32] Debra: No, I cannot do this. I don't know the show. I don't have a clue about the blocking, not to mention costume, hair, makeup.

[25:40] Unknown speaker: Honey, honey, honey, I know, I know. It's a lot to take in, but you can do this. We'll get you through it.

[25:46] Unknown speaker: She's right. What are we thinking? Debra can't do this. It's not even fair to ask her.

[25:52] Unknown speaker: Excuse me, I'm going to have to jump in here. Debra hasn't even bonded with the Banshees. This is a very, very dangerous move.

[26:00] Unknown speaker: Thank you, Cheryl. And Bill, finally some clear thinkers. No, Emma-Olivia, no show. We close before we open and become an epically tragic theater story. But we still have time to save this thing. Debra, be our hero.

[26:18] Unknown speaker: Hey, do what you need to do. But I, I need plausible deniability. I'll see you all later.

[26:23] Unknown speaker: Wimp. Guys, come on, help me.

[26:25] Unknown speaker: Sorry about this, Debra.

[26:27] Unknown speaker: Uh, what the hell are you doing? This look should work. We're taking a few liberties, obviously, but it's in the Na'vi zone. Let's do this, Debra. We'll have fun. Give me your hand. Just follow me.

[26:49] Unknown speaker: And just how did Debra do?

[26:52] Unknown speaker: She killed it. Debra and Stavros both killed it. The crowd is on their feet, showering with applause.

[27:01] Zoe Taylor: Thank you! Thank you, and thank YOU! I’m Zoe Taylor, Director-Choreographer of Avatar, The Musical. How incredible. You’re all here with us tonight to celebrate our opening night. I can’t believe it. Your incredible support and enthusiasm fuels us all. Please, let’s give YOU a round of applause. Yes, yes, and yes, I am NOT going to kid you. Tonight was rather dramatic, and not just on stage. Thank you all for embracing our slight last-minute change of plans. Live theater, what can I say? And again, our hearts go out to the Broadway Disher and her unfortunate banshee encounter during Act 2. I’ve been assured that that was a rogue event that will never, ever happen again. I am told that she’s recovering nicely, and I’m thrilled to announce that there will be a role in Avatar waiting for the Broadway Disher when she’s able to walk again.

Yes, yes, and yes, this entire process has been filled with challenges and huge leaps of faith. Frankly, I can’t believe I’m standing here tonight. Faith, indeed. Just eight months ago, we were all staring at a blank page. How were we able to go from ambitious dream to opening night in such a short time? Well, we have the dream team, folks. What can I say? That’s why we are here tonight. Now, when I call your name, please come join me on this stage. First, I’d like to take a moment to acknowledge our brilliant producers, Cheryl Phillips and Steve Jones. Always so thoughtful, kind, present, and generous. They have had my back 24-7. Thank you so much.

[29:23] Bobby Kearns: Oh, she’s gonna ruin my reputation.

[29:25] Zoe Taylor: Not a chance.

[29:26] Zoe Taylor: And our visionary designers, David Korins, Natasha Katz, Paul Taswell. Our musical director and orchestrator, Alex Lacrimore. And what would we do without our banshee wrangler, the legendary Bill Berloni? Bella! Wolf! Slap! Sherlock! And I... We would be nowhere without our science consultant, the brilliant, charming, and so inspiring, Andrew Barth Feldman. And a moment for Broadway’s newest superstars, Stavros and Deborah Hannaford. Deborah, darling, I’m blown away. I’m speechless. You certainly made history tonight. And finally, our creators, Kay Field and Bobby Kern. Hi, Kay. I’m so happy to see you.

[30:34] Bobby Kearns: Hey, zip it, Bobby. Let’s just get this over with. Zoe, is it okay if I say a few words?

[30:38] Zoe Taylor: Of course, Bobby. Please.

[30:40] Bobby Kearns: Oh, shit. Well, this is unexpected. What is composer Bobby Kearns up to? Hello? Hello? Is this thing on?

[30:48] Zoe Taylor: You’re all set, Bobby.

[30:51] Bobby Kearns: I was just using it. Oh, thank you, Zoe. Sorry. I’m really a behind-the-scenes guy. I wanted to thank everyone tonight, particularly Deborah. Thank you, Deborah. And to take a moment to talk about the creative process. My creative process, if I may. This incredible journey has taught me so much. Most importantly, I learned that I am nothing without a partner. A professional partner and a life partner. But not just any partner. Someone who brings out the very best in me. Someone who inspires me, fascinates me. Someone who not only completes my sentences, but makes them so much better. As Yoko Ono once said...

[32:01] Zoe Taylor: Ah, I was with him completely until Yoko Ono. But I get what he’s doing. This is just beautiful. So beautiful. I need a hanky. A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is a reality. As Kermit the Frog once said...

[32:12] Zoe Taylor: Oh, no. Bobby, stop.

[32:14] Bobby Kearns: Kermit?

[32:15] Zoe Taylor: No! You’re going to ruin the moment!

[32:18] Bobby Kearns: And I quote... Maybe you don’t need the whole world to love you. Maybe you just need one person. Kay, that person is you. You push my buttons. All of them. I love you.

[32:40] Kay Field: This is totally humiliating, Bobby.

[32:45] Bobby Kearns: But I love you, too.

[32:47] Kay Field: Oh, this is too much. Too much. I am totally and utterly verklempt. Oh, I think I’m getting a cavity from all this sugar.

[32:56] Zoe Taylor: Oh, well. Bobby, Kay, everyone. Now you can understand why the show you just saw is filled with magic, imagination, and love. Thank you so much for coming on this journey with us and we’ll see you all at the Met for the after party. Come on, let’s go to the opening night shindig. Time to party.

[33:22] Bobby Kearns: Finally, something we agree on. And a wild night was had by all, me included. What a party. Good thing the show’s a hit. Can you imagine the party of the century and the show’s a flop? Awkward. Personally, I’m off to the gym in a sec. I devoured an entire platter of pigs in a blanket last night. Mm, so good. Worth every bite. In my opinion, they should be mandatory at every single party. Sorry, I digress. Let’s end this tale where we began, with our intrepid creators, Kay and Bobby.

[34:01] Kay Field: Oh, please. Read it again.

[34:03] Bobby Kearns: Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. In an era in which existing IPs are enough for most producers, most creative teams and most audiences, the most audacious, stylish, eccentric and downright entertaining show of the last 30 years has just opened. Not only has Avatar done the unthinkable and brought the Mark Hallinger back to life as a Broadway house, but the show itself has done something almost as desired. Brought musical theatre boldly into new terrain. For once, theatre aficionados and tourists can agree on something. And it’s this. Avatar is a must-see.

[34:40] Kay Field: Whoa! I can’t believe our show brought Frank Rich out of retirement.

[34:42] Bobby Kearns: Right? God, I can’t believe it all worked. And I can’t believe that Thomas insisted that his name be removed. Oh, it’s so delicious.

[34:55] Kay Field: You’re so delicious. I feel like the weight of the galaxy lifted off of our shoulders. We deserve a nice, long vacation.

[35:04] Bobby Kearns: Are you thinking about tan lines again?

[35:06] Kay Field: Of course I am.

[35:08] Bobby Kearns: Yeah, me too. And so we leave as we began. Kay and Bobby are partners in work and in life. Mega producers Cheryl and Steve still can’t stand one another but are being hailed as the producing team of all time. Zoe Taylor is clearly established as the visionary director who will bring her talents to the Tokyo Olympics. Along with her science consultant buddy Andrew Barth Feldman!

[35:34] Kay Field: Of course. Who I’m hearing has accepted the lead in Fantasy Island the Musical. Emma Olivia is locked up in what she thinks is a secluded convent, but is actually a penitentiary. I heard Maxwell Fernsby is in Times Square dressed up as a flying monkey handing out flyers for Wicked. The Broadway Disher is recovering nicely from that unfortunate Banshee incident and is giddy about her upcoming role in Avatar. Debra and Stavros are bringing down the house eight shows a week. And me? Well, I guess it’s time for me to mosey on. Other shows to narrate, other lives to observe, you know. But I did want to say, from the bottom of my heart—

[36:15] Bobby Kearns: Oh, so sorry, so sorry. I have to interrupt. Just thinking. Bobby, you know, forget baseball musicals. Backstage musicals never get a fair shake on Broadway.

[36:24] Bobby Kearns: What do you mean?

[36:26] Kay Field: Well, look at everything we just went through. Right? Glamour, betrayal, love triangles, true love, overnight stardom. That’s a musical. That’s a great musical.

[36:36] Bobby Kearns: Wait. The day after we finally open Avatar and you’re talking about adapting that whole ordeal into a show?

[36:44] Kay Field: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You’re right. You’re right. Sorry. Sorry. I got carried away. I want to grab a pen.

[36:55] Bobby Kearns: Thank you from the bottom of our cold hearts for listening to As the Curtain Rises. A gargantuan thanks to our brilliant cast. James Monroe Iglehart as producer Steve Jones. Lillias White as producer Cheryl Phillips. Ashley Park as book writer lyricist Kay Fields. Michael Urie as composer Bobby Kearns. Sarah Stiles as diva Emma Olivia. George Salazar as agent Maxwell Fernsby in the bathroom. Ariana DeBose as director choreographer Zoe Taylor. Andrew Barth Feldman as science consultant Andrew Barth Feldman. Ramin Karimloo as the dreamy Stavros. Bonnie Milligan as casting director Debra Hannaford. Lesli Margherita as the Broadway Disher. Actors Fund president and Broadway legend Brian Stokes Mitchell as Maxwell Fernsby’s boss Charles.

Frank Dallella as New York One’s Frank Dallella. Sirius XM on Broadway program director Julie James as on Broadway host Julie James. Jacob Smith as the lift driver. Animal trainer Bill Berloni as banshee wrangler Bill Berloni. Our Broadway fans and opening night crowd. Broadway briefings Matt Britton. Deadlines Greg Evans. Broadway.com’s Jimmy Neutron himself Paul Wontrick. Variety stagecraft podcast host Gordon Cox. Theater Mania’s managing editor David Gordon. Playbill’s director of social media and creative strategy Felicia Fitzpatrick. Drama critic Peter Marks. Alan Seales, Brittany Bigelow, Lauren LaBoeuf, Marty Maguire and Jake Smith. Additional red carpet voices by Johnny Pearl, Justin Zelke and Andrea Levine.

And me, the incredible two-time Tony Award loser Alex Brightman as the narrator. Written by Dory Berenstain and Mark Peikert. Directed by Dory Berenstain. Music, sound editing and design by Bart Fassbender. Avatar music by Matthew Sklar. Sound engineering by Alan Seales. Produced by Dory Berenstain, Alan Seales and the Broadway Podcast Network. Associate producers Brittany Bigelow and Marty Maguire. Associate directed and sound edited by Marty Maguire. Executive produced by Liz Armstrong. And absolutely everything else by our extraordinary BPN team. Brittany Bigelow, Ioanna Nikolova, Katie Rosen, Cindy Schatz and Beatriz Westby. As the Curtain Rises was created and recorded entirely in quarantine.

This Broadway soap opera celebrates and supports the Actors Fund and the BPN Frontline Worker Initiative which you can find at bpn.fm/slashfrontlineworkers. That’s bpn.fm/slashfrontlineworkers. And finally, a very special thanks to our producing partner, Liz Armstrong for your extraordinary support and inspiration. Bye-bye!