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Episode II: Tooth

“What’s the worst thing that ever happened to you?” Melanie Lavin, Adam’s assistant, left alone, goes searching for clues in the woods. · Paul Guyet as Soothing Male Voice. · Meg MacCary as Laura. · Keilly McQuail as Melanie Lavin. · Michelle Beck as Steph... Read More

From the show: Split Valley

12 mins
6/29/21

About

“What’s the worst thing that ever happened to you?”

Melanie Lavin, Adam’s assistant, left alone, goes searching for clues in the woods.

· Paul Guyet as Soothing Male Voice

· Meg MacCary as Laura

· Keilly McQuail as Melanie Lavin

· Michelle Beck as Steph

· Written by Caroline V. McGraw

· Directed by Eddie Prunoske

· Sound designed and engineered by James Hansen

· Original music by Luke Santy

· Cover art by Matthew Cohn

· Produced by Five on a Match: Matthew Cohn, Amir Darvish, and Meg MacCary

Transcript

This transcript was automatically generated and might contain errors.

[0:00] Paul Guyet: Have you ever been running away from the life you chose? Tears streaming down your face. Your back nodding and buckling under the weight of all the possessions you could carry and you don't know why you chose to take what you took. All you need is yourself and some cash and the possibility of a freedom you used to know and long to know again? Ravens understands. Ravens. Makers of the most comfortable slippers you've ever known. With over 4,000 five-star reviews. Now make sneakers you can do anything in. Anything. Use code SPLITVALLEY at checkout to receive $10 off your first pair.

[0:52] Meg MacCary: Ladies, it's your pal, Laura. I know, I always say that, but I really do feel like your pal. It's been a fantastic month here. Spring is just my favorite time of year. And all the beautiful flowers in my little garden are just, oh my goodness. They are just looking up at the sky. Faces turn toward heaven saying, I miss this. I was so lonely all winter. Give me what you got, Mr. Sunshine. So, my daughter Cassie had her 14th birthday party, which was really just her and a bunch of other 8th grade girls sitting around our rec room on their phones, texting about other girls who weren't there. No, they're good girls with good values. And seeing Cassie and the young woman she and her friends are becoming, it just gives me a lot of hope for the future.

Not to be too political. There did come one moment in the evening when I came downstairs with some fluffernutter sandwiches because I have absolutely turned into my own mother, that is just a fact I'm going to have to live with, that they were really paying attention to each other. No eyes on the phone or the TV. They were doing each other's makeup using Caldwell Cosmetics' new Angelica line. I'm just so excited about this launch. I've been keeping it a secret for so long. The Angelica line comes in perfect colors for teen girls to make a statement without being too over the top. There are these fabulous palettes with some neutrals. This lovely little blush stick makes a statement without being, you know.

And three lip glosses in this pink. A clear, of course. And this sort of fabulous plummy shade. Now, what I really wanted was for Cassie to model some of these looks for you. She's just such a beautiful girl, that poreless skin, you know, and really knows herself, her own mind. She isn't feeling well today, so I just thought I'd do it for you. No product works for one age group, it should work for all. And I really want you to see how versatile this line is. Now, all you have to do is talk to your local Caldwell Cosmetics rep about getting these new colors added to your kit. The minimum order is 15, but I say take 30. Heck, take 45, so they're fast. And make sure to tag Caldwell Cosmetics in your unboxing photos and videos. I have a tutorial on what makes a really effective lipstick.

[4:02] Keilly McQuail: I didn't really think about it until right this second, but I've only ever had male bosses. And I've been working since I was 17, so almost 12 years? Let's see. Yeah. My boss at the pool, that summer before senior year, that was Dylan. He was only, like, a year older than me. And then, um, at the radio station at Vassar, it was this guy. What was his... Perry. Right. He was really cool, really talented, and he's, um, he's doing really well, I think, as far as I can tell from social media or whatever. And then when I worked at the Apple store for a year, Craig. He sucked. And then here, or not here, but Columbia Radio, I was hired by Steven, and then... Is that another one? What? And after Steven, I worked for Johan. He was great. He always let me pursue my own stories, even if he didn't... Well, he didn't let me air any of them. But he let me use the studio to build up... What the fu...

[5:24] Keilly McQuail: Um, and then Adam. I've been his assistant almost two years. Huh. I'm seeing... This is for later. I'm seeing another one of... It's a small tower, about maybe two feet tall, almost in the shape of a Christmas tree, but it's made of... It's made of discarded tubes of mascara, of lipstick, and of Tampax applicators. Yep, I see some blood, just a little residual. Yikes. Also packets, old packets of... I'm taking a picture, of course, but packets of, like, sanitary wipes. Like, you know, I use them to wipe down airplane seats. And around this thing, there's... There's nothing. I've just come from the road. I entered about... Well, I've been walking about an hour and a half, so maybe... Maybe four miles up the road from the Icarus?

A little more, and I did not see one car. I passed a big two-trees lumber truck, but it was just sort of parked at the edge of the woods. It's... It's 11:30 a.m. But, yeah, I was just thinking about all my bosses, because Adam is gone. And I don't know where he is. So I called our office, and I didn't freak out, but I sort of did a thing where I was like, "Hello!" And I fished around a little bit to see if maybe anyone had seen him, without really revealing that I don't know where the hell he is. And it was super clear no one had seen him, and also that no one missed him. So... I mean, no one had noticed he's gone. I mean... I thought about reporting the car that I've stolen, but I don't want to.

He might have gone somewhere totally innocuous, like antiquing, and just forgotten to tell me. He's done that before. I called his phone, and it goes straight to voicemail. I left, well, only two messages, and one of them was like, "Adam! Adam! Adam, Adam!"

[7:19] Michelle Beck: Is that...? Hello! Shit. Uh... Hello!

[7:21] Keilly McQuail: Hi.

[7:31] Michelle Beck: Are you hiking?

[7:33] Keilly McQuail: Hi, uh, no, I'm just... I was just taking a walk. Gorgeous day.

[7:38] Michelle Beck: Yes, it's...

[7:40] Keilly McQuail: Sorry, can I ask, do you live here?

[7:43] Michelle Beck: In the woods?

[7:44] Keilly McQuail: Uh, no, just in Split Valley. Are you a local?

[7:48] Michelle Beck: I'm Steph.

[7:49] Keilly McQuail: Mel, uh, Melanie. Hi.

[7:52] Michelle Beck: Hi, Melanie.

[7:54] Keilly McQuail: What are you looking for?

[7:57] Michelle Beck: I was just looking at this.

[7:59] Keilly McQuail: But were you looking for it, or did you find it?

[8:03] Michelle Beck: I just saw it, I guess. Happened upon it.

[8:09] Keilly McQuail: I'm not local, to answer your question. I'm just hiking.

[8:15] Michelle Beck: Are you local?

[8:16] Keilly McQuail: No, no, I'm just taking a road trip. Finding myself. I'm staying at the Icarus Motel, down the road. I just come up here to take my mind off my troubles. It's so peaceful.

[8:32] Michelle Beck: Yeah, I'm sorry, I'm sorry if I've intruded.

[8:34] Keilly McQuail: No, no, it's okay.

[8:35] Michelle Beck: No, really, sorry, sorry.

[8:41] Keilly McQuail: No, shit. Don't be sorry, Melanie. Be a journalist, be a goddamn...

[8:47] Michelle Beck: Okay.

[8:49] Keilly McQuail: Yeah, excuse me, sorry. I've seen a few of these around. Do you know what they are?

[8:57] Michelle Beck: They look like signposts to me.

[9:00] Keilly McQuail: Remind me of your name again?

[9:04] Michelle Beck: I'm Steph.

[9:07] Keilly McQuail: I thought you were going to say your last name.

[9:09] Michelle Beck: That is my last name. It's the last name I ever intend to have.

[9:18] Keilly McQuail: So, you're just road tripping, huh?

[9:23] Michelle Beck: Well, I guess you could say I'm interested in finding what these posts lead to.

[9:32] Keilly McQuail: What's the worst thing that ever happened to you?

[9:39] Michelle Beck: Happened to me, or like, worst thing that I caused?

[9:44] Keilly McQuail: Oh.

[9:46] Michelle Beck: Wow. Now I want to hear the worst thing you ever caused.

[9:51] Keilly McQuail: Now I want to hear the worst thing you caused.

[9:57] Michelle Beck: I... I ripped my sister's baby tooth out. We were in a fight over, like, a Barbie. Or maybe a Skipper. And I was on top of her and she was yelling about Skipper or Barbie, and I reached down into her mouth where this tooth was, like, loose, but not at the point where there was just a thread between the gum and the root. I ripped it out. Just blood everywhere.

[10:26] Michelle Beck: The worst thing that happened to me... I think I could probably answer, but I really think the worst is yet to come.

[10:42] Keilly McQuail: Alright. You warm enough?

[10:45] Michelle Beck: I'm... yeah, I'm pretty warm.

[10:52] Keilly McQuail: This way. It's a long walk. You'll warm up.

[11:10] Paul Guyet: Episode 2 of Split Valley features Paul Guyette as soothing male voice, Meg McCary as Laura, Kylie McQuayle as Melanie, and Michelle Beck as Steph. Written by Caroline V. McGraw. Sound design by James Hansen. Directed by Eddie Prunoski. Music composed by Luke Santi. Produced by Five on a Match.

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