This transcript was automatically generated and might contain errors.

[0:01] Alan Tudyk: Hello, and thank you for inviting me into your ears.

[0:04] Alan Tudyk: The following podcast is a benefit for the Actors Fund and Broadway Cares COVID-19 Emergency Assistance Fund.

[0:11] Alan Tudyk: To donate, please visit www.broadwaycares.org slash help2020.

[0:17] Alan Tudyk: And if you don't, I'll come to your house.

[0:19] Alan Tudyk: Dracula, a Comedy of Terrors is brought to you by the Actors Fund, Broadway Cares, and Blackout Shades.

[0:34] Alan Tudyk: They make sleeping all day a snap.

[0:37] Alan Tudyk: Previously on Dracula, a Comedy of Terrors.

[0:42] Alan Tudyk: An engagement party with an unexpected guest.

[0:45] Jeff Kready: I don't believe my eyes. Dracula, old man, you are alive.

[0:50] Christopher Sieber: I wouldn't go that far.

[0:52] Christopher Sieber: But the Count only has eyes for Jonathan's fiancée, Lucy.

[0:55] Ashley Park: You are even more compelling in person.

[0:58] Annaleigh Ashford: Oh, I don't think anyone has ever French kissed my hand before.

[1:03] Kathy Fitzgerald: While her father's mental patients work the party, including the kleptomaniac maid, Kitty.

[1:08] Kathy Fitzgerald: Anything else I can get you?

[1:10] Alex Brightman: And the highly suggestible insectivore butler, Renfield.

[1:13] Alex Brightman: My only relief is in serving others.

[1:17] Annaleigh Ashford: And his less popular daughter, Mina, scours the party for attention.

[1:21] Annaleigh Ashford: And finds it when Lucy rejects the Count.

[1:24] Ashley Park: You want to get out of here?

[1:26] Annaleigh Ashford: My house is just across town.

[1:28] Jeff Kready: Hope you enjoyed your evening, Mina.

[1:30] Jeff Kready: Because this morning, there is a debt to be paid.

[1:33] Alan Tudyk: We now rejoin our story in progress.

[1:35] Laura Benanti: Mina is unconscious in her sickbed as her distraught father, Dr. Westfeldt, writes to an old acquaintance for help.

[1:48] James Monroe Iglehart: 15 October, 1897.

[1:51] James Monroe Iglehart: To Dr. John Van Helsing, University of Schmutz, Brandenburg Campus, Department of Rare Infectious Diseases.

[1:57] James Monroe Iglehart: Dear Dr. Van Helsing, I write you now in dire need of your expertise.

[2:01] James Monroe Iglehart: Three days ago, my youngest daughter, Mina, was at her sister's engagement party, with a ruddy complexion and full of life.

[2:08] James Monroe Iglehart: The following morning, we found her bedridden and pale, her veins swollen with an odd color, and unable to look at direct sunlight without wincing in pain.

[2:15] James Monroe Iglehart: At first, I assumed it was a female issue, but it's even more frightening than that.

[2:21] James Monroe Iglehart: Samples of her blood have revealed her to be severely anemic, yet I cannot pinpoint the source of her distress.

[2:27] James Monroe Iglehart: I beg of you to come see her straight away. Speaking man to man, I fear for her life.

[2:33] Annaleigh Ashford: Oh, my dear sweet Mina, how it pains me to see my sister like this, Jonathan.

[2:39] Ashley Park: I must say, it's highly unnerving to see a person so lively and gay one moment and then down for the count the next.

[2:46] Annaleigh Ashford: The count! Count Dracula! He brought the cake she ate!

[2:50] Ashley Park: I ate it too, darling.

[2:51] Annaleigh Ashford: Oh, yes, of course, father. It couldn't have been the cake. Maybe she drank something that didn't agree with her?

[2:57] James Monroe Iglehart: It's more acute than that. It's gone directly to her blood.

[3:01] Annaleigh Ashford: Oh, I do wish the doctor would get here already.

[3:04] Annaleigh Ashford: Ah! Speak of the devil, that must be him now.

[3:07] Laura Benanti: So kind of this Van Helsing fellow to take time out of his busy schedule to come visit us.

[3:12] Laura Benanti: Good show your mother knew him.

[3:14] Annaleigh Ashford: Excuse me, Dr. Westfeldt.

[3:16] John Stamos: Hello there. So nice to meet you. You must be Mrs. Van Helsing.

[3:21] Laura Benanti: Dr. Van Helsing.

[3:23] John Stamos: Yes, Dr. Van Helsing's wife. How lovely to meet you, Mrs. Van Helsing.

[3:29] Laura Benanti: No, I am Dr. Van Helsink.

[3:38] Annaleigh Ashford: Father.

[3:40] John Stamos: Very funny, very funny, Mrs. Van Helsing.

[3:42] John Stamos: Very funny, very funny, Mrs. Van Helsing.

[3:45] John Stamos: Is your husband lifting the heavy bags from the carriage?

[3:48] Laura Benanti: I have no husband.

[3:54] Annaleigh Ashford: Father.

[3:57] John Stamos: That famous German sense of humor. I'll go help him with the bags.

[4:03] Laura Benanti: Apologies, doctor. My father is under a great deal of stress with my sister's illness.

[4:08] Laura Benanti: Could you please take a look at her right now? Time is of the essence.

[4:11] Laura Benanti: She looks depleted. Any other symptoms?

[4:15] Laura Benanti: She complains of terrible dreams. Some sexier than others.

[4:19] Laura Benanti: And a weakness. A bloodlessness that confounds her doctors.

[4:24] Laura Benanti: How long have these bite marks been visible?

[4:26] John Stamos: Bite marks?

[4:28] Laura Benanti: Where her carotid artery and jugular intersect.

[4:30] Alex Brightman: Did someone say insect?

[4:32] Laura Benanti: No, Renfield.

[4:34] Laura Benanti: Peculiar butler you have.

[4:36] Laura Benanti: He's also a patient.

[4:37] Laura Benanti: You're wasting precious time. Where is Dr. Van Helsing?

[4:41] John Stamos: I am here.

[4:43] Laura Benanti: No, you're not. I sent for Dr. Jean Van Helsing, as in Jean Valjean.

[4:49] John Stamos: No, you sent for Dr. Jean Van Helsing, as in Jean Valjean.

[4:55] Laura Benanti: So I sent for a lady doctor?

[4:59] John Stamos: Correct.

[5:03] Laura Benanti: I wouldn't be laughing if I were you.

[5:05] Laura Benanti: Your daughter is in grave danger. This is no ordinary insect bite.

[5:11] James Monroe Iglehart: What do you mean?

[5:13] Laura Benanti: It appears she may have been bitten by something more sinister.

[5:17] Laura Benanti: Have any of you been out of the country?

[5:19] Jeff Kready: I was in Eastern Europe.

[5:21] Laura Benanti: Did you bring back any fruits or vegetables?

[5:23] Jeff Kready: Just this garlic from the farmer's market in Bucharest. But she wasn't exposed to it.

[5:27] Laura Benanti: Anything else? Maybe something from Duty Free?

[5:29] Jeff Kready: No.

[5:31] Laura Benanti: Good. It's not that much cheaper anyway.

[5:32] Laura Benanti: Have you noticed anything or anyone unusual in the area lately?

[5:35] Jeff Kready: Just the regular, workaday English life.

[5:38] Jeff Kready: Soggy sandwiches, lots of rain, ghost ship washed up on shore, nothing out of the ordinary.

[5:42] Laura Benanti: Hold on. What was that?

[5:44] Jeff Kready: Nothing out of the ordinary.

[5:46] Laura Benanti: No. Go back a word or two.

[5:48] Jeff Kready: Shore. On. Up. Washed.

[5:50] Laura Benanti: Continue.

[5:52] Jeff Kready: Ship. Ghost.

[5:54] Laura Benanti: A ghost ship! The very thing. Was there a manifest?

[5:56] Jeff Kready: Yes. I found it on the beach.

[5:57] Jeff Kready: Well, there was no cargo at all apart from some bird seed, canned tuna and six coffins of Transylvanian earth.

[6:03] Laura Benanti: Nothing out of the ordinary.

[6:05] Laura Benanti: Hold on. What was that?

[6:07] Jeff Kready: Nothing out of the ordinary.

[6:09] Laura Benanti: No. Go back a word or two.

[6:11] Jeff Kready: Earth. Transylvanian. Of. Continue.

[6:13] Laura Benanti: Coffins. Six?

[6:15] Jeff Kready: Six coffins. That could be the key.

[6:17] Ashley Park: The key to what? The make-up counter at suffrages?

[6:20] Alex Brightman: This female medicine is not for me, I'm afraid.

[6:22] Alex Brightman: I'm going to go out and pick up some leeches and tapeworms to drain her of her evil humours like a real doctor.

[6:30] Alex Brightman: I'll be back before nightfall.

[6:32] Ashley Park: Lucy, I must know. Was your sister alone with anyone the night of the party?

[6:37] Annaleigh Ashford: Well, she attempted to make conversation with three of my former suitors, but I do not believe she left with any one of them.

[6:44] Alex Brightman: Renfield! You gave me a fright.

[6:46] Alex Brightman: Words, words, words, words. I can't stop laughing. I apologise.

[6:52] Laura Benanti: Now hold it right there. What's funny about a dying girl?

[6:56] Alex Brightman: A dying girl who flirted with four gentlemen.

[7:00] Laura Benanti: But there were only three, Renfield.

[7:02] Alex Brightman: There was a fourth, and she left with him that night.

[7:06] Ashley Park: Oh my heavens, is that a bat?

[7:09] Alex Brightman: Oh yes, yes. Get it away from me.

[7:11] Laura Benanti: You hide, Jonathan. I'll grab a broom.

[7:14] Alex Brightman: I didn't tell, Master. I didn't tell. I'm sorry.

[7:17] Laura Benanti: Why are you speaking to that fluttermouse?

[7:19] Alex Brightman: It's a bat, Doctor.

[7:21] Laura Benanti: Oh, and it's oddly attracted to my moisturiser.

[7:24] Laura Benanti: And my hair gel.

[7:26] Laura Benanti: It seems to be very concerned with personal grooming products.

[7:29] Alex Brightman: It's the devil is what it is. He demands I do his bidding.

[7:33] Laura Benanti: Is that garlic of yours? Give it here.

[7:35] Alex Brightman: Right-o.

[7:37] Laura Benanti: If my suspicions are correct, it may prove useful.

[7:41] Laura Benanti: I'll just hold it up toward the bat.

[7:43] Alex Brightman: He's coming for me now.

[7:45] Laura Benanti: Who is he?

[7:47] Alex Brightman: I've already said too much.

[7:49] Alex Brightman: I must answer for my soul at the judgment seat of God.

[8:03] Laura Benanti: We're on the ground floor.

[8:04] Laura Benanti: I thought I heard a scream. What happened?

[8:06] Annaleigh Ashford: What a palaver. It's Renfield. He's gone.

[8:09] Annaleigh Ashford: Out the window and through the pansies.

[8:11] Laura Benanti: After conversing with a fluttermouse.

[8:13] Annaleigh Ashford: Oh no. And he was doing so well.

[8:16] Laura Benanti: I wouldn't go quite that far.

[8:18] Annaleigh Ashford: Well, find him.

[8:20] Laura Benanti: You may not want to find him.

[8:22] Laura Benanti: From the looks of it, he may be the one responsible for your daughter's illness.

[8:25] James Monroe Iglehart: Do you really think so? He's never hurt so much as a fly.

[8:28] Laura Benanti: Oh yeah.

[8:30] James Monroe Iglehart: Ja, exactly.

[8:31] Laura Benanti: There's something foul in the air here.

[8:34] Laura Benanti: What is happening to us, Doctor?

[8:36] Laura Benanti: From all the evidence, it can only be one thing.

[8:41] James Monroe Iglehart: 15th October, 1897.

[8:44] James Monroe Iglehart: Arrived United Kingdom via steam train and ferry from Schmutz.

[8:49] James Monroe Iglehart: The patient, Mina Westfeld, grows worse by the hour.

[8:52] James Monroe Iglehart: She vacillates between exhaustion and intermittent bouts of aggression.

[8:57] James Monroe Iglehart: They have been forced to chain her to the bed for her own safety.

[9:02] James Monroe Iglehart: Our next course of action is to administer blood transfusions.

[9:06] James Monroe Iglehart: I have only ever read about vampires in ancient medical texts.

[9:11] James Monroe Iglehart: I assumed they were the stuff of fiction and fairy tales.

[9:15] James Monroe Iglehart: However, I fear I am about to be proven wrong.

[9:19] James Monroe Iglehart: If so, God help us all.

[9:21] Laura Benanti: How is Mina doing? Any improvement this evening?

[9:25] Annaleigh Ashford: I'm afraid not.

[9:27] Annaleigh Ashford: I thought the transfusions were working, but the fits are getting worse.

[9:30] Annaleigh Ashford: When she isn't in spasms, she has no energy at all.

[9:33] Laura Benanti: Mina! This is Dr. Von Helsink. Can you hear me?

[9:39] Annaleigh Ashford: She can hardly speak, Doctor. She's very weak.

[9:42] Annaleigh Ashford: He said I had a pretty neck.

[9:44] Laura Benanti: Who? Who said you had a pretty neck?

[9:47] Annaleigh Ashford: Well, she's hallucinating, Doctor.

[9:48] Laura Benanti: Clearly, no one would ever say that to her.

[9:50] Laura Benanti: Who was it that complimented your neck?

[9:54] Annaleigh Ashford: Another episode!

[10:04] Ashley Park: The giants will hold her!

[10:06] Laura Benanti: Are you sure? The links are buckling. They're about to give way.

[10:10] Laura Benanti: They've snapped!

[10:13] Annaleigh Ashford: She's levitating!

[10:15] Annaleigh Ashford: Well, she's levitating!

[10:17] Jeff Kready: Well, if I'm not needed here, I guess I'll just...

[10:19] Laura Benanti: Jonathan, quick! Grab her feet! We need to pull her back down!

[10:22] Jeff Kready: I'd rather not soil my hands.

[10:24] Annaleigh Ashford: Really, Jonathan, is that the first thought on your mind?

[10:27] Jeff Kready: She's dancing on the ceiling like a lion or a witchy!

[10:31] Annaleigh Ashford: And her head is spinning around! I can't believe my eyes!

[10:35] Ashley Park: Oh, I think she's in some sort of pain.

[10:38] Laura Benanti: Listen to that!

[10:40] Laura Benanti: We must make it stop!

[10:43] Laura Benanti: This tranquilizer blow dart should do the trick!

[10:51] Laura Benanti: It's subsided.

[10:54] James Monroe Iglehart: Good work, Doctor Van Helsing.

[10:57] Jeff Kready: How often do you use those blow darts?

[11:00] Laura Benanti: You'd be surprised.

[11:02] Laura Benanti: Rest, Mina. Rest.

[11:04] Annaleigh Ashford: She's asleep. You too, my darlings.

[11:08] Annaleigh Ashford: Good night, lieblings.

[11:11] Laura Benanti: Good night, Doctor Van Helsing.

[11:14] Annaleigh Ashford: Jonathan, will you wipe her forehead?

[11:17] Jeff Kready: Um, I'm okay, thanks.

[11:20] Annaleigh Ashford: Would you rather change her bedpan?

[11:22] Jeff Kready: I'd rather do neither, thank you very much.

[11:25] Annaleigh Ashford: Jonathan!

[11:27] Annaleigh Ashford: You don't know what it feels like to be inside my skin. This isn't easy for me.

[11:30] Jeff Kready: Nor is it easy for me, living with all your friends.

[11:32] Annaleigh Ashford: Nor is it easy for me, living with all your feelings.

[11:35] Annaleigh Ashford: There are two of us in this relationship, and we've got to each give a little.

[11:39] Jeff Kready: I gave you a beautiful necklace for your last birthday.

[11:41] Annaleigh Ashford: I mean, you have to be willing to venture past your fears.

[11:44] Annaleigh Ashford: Go off-piste for once in your life.

[11:46] Jeff Kready: I want to.

[11:48] Annaleigh Ashford: Then stop being so frightened of things that might be, and start living in the present.

[11:51] Jeff Kready: Of course I want to live in the present, and I will very soon.

[11:55] Annaleigh Ashford: What if I cannot wait any longer?

[11:57] Annaleigh Ashford: What if I do not wish to negotiate every decision until I'm blue in the face?

[12:00] Annaleigh Ashford: What if just once I want to move through life without fear, with a courageous partner rather than a coward?

[12:06] Jeff Kready: Oh, I didn't mean...

[12:09] Annaleigh Ashford: Yes, you did.

[12:11] Annaleigh Ashford: Jonathan, please, I...

[12:13] Jeff Kready: No. If that's what you want, then you should have it.

[12:16] Jeff Kready: And not with a Tupni coward!

[12:18] Annaleigh Ashford: Jonathan, wait!

[12:21] Christopher Sieber: Finally, I have you alone.

[12:24] Christopher Sieber: Count! Oh, you frightened me.

[12:27] Christopher Sieber: Where did you come from?

[12:28] Christopher Sieber: I'm here with a gift. For you.

[12:31] Christopher Sieber: The soil! Oh, thank you, Count.

[12:35] Christopher Sieber: I'd also like to pick up my cake plate, if you don't mind. It's Wedgwood.

[12:39] Christopher Sieber: Yes, I imagine it's somewhere downstairs.

[12:42] Christopher Sieber: I was so sorry to hear about your sister.

[12:45] Christopher Sieber: She's got a strong spirit. She'll pull through.

[12:47] Christopher Sieber: But if she doesn't?

[12:49] Christopher Sieber: Well, she must. She's only 22. There's a whole life ahead of her.

[12:52] Christopher Sieber: All the adventures, all the laughter, all the romance...

[12:56] Christopher Sieber: Well, maybe not romance, but still...

[12:58] Christopher Sieber: My apologies. You are in a vulnerable state, especially after that conversation with Jonathan.

[13:04] Christopher Sieber: Well, how did you...

[13:06] Christopher Sieber: You are a strong, courageous woman. You deserve a strong, courageous man.

[13:12] Christopher Sieber: Come here.

[13:14] Christopher Sieber: Count, you're standing so close to me, I...

[13:18] Count Dracula: Good. Now feel my arms around you.

[13:22] Lucy Westfeldt: What are you doing?

[13:23] Count Dracula: Giving you what you need. A chance to move through life without fear.

[13:28] Lucy Westfeldt: But you don't know me.

[13:30] Count Dracula: I know you, Lucy, because I have been waiting for you for centuries.

[13:34] Count Dracula: And suddenly here you are. Everything I dreamed when Jonathan showed me your photograph. My blood went warm. My arms felt weightless. My head was swimming. That's why I came to Whitby. For you. That's why I bought Carfax. For you. Why I turned my life upside down. Not that it's an uncomfortable position for me. For you.

[14:00] Count Dracula: I can't pretend we weren't meant for each other. And you know you can't either.

[14:05] Lucy Westfeldt: This is insane. I have to go.

[14:08] Count Dracula: Not yet.

[14:09] Lucy Westfeldt: Let go of me, please.

[14:11] Count Dracula: Why? Because it feels good. Let yourself venture past your fears.

[14:16] Count Dracula: But... but... Live in the present. Kiss me.

[14:24] Lucy Westfeldt: Stop it. Stop it now. This is wrong. I am engaged.

[14:28] Count Dracula: You're a coward. You know what you want. What you need, come with me. I can give you an extraordinary life.

[14:34] Lucy Westfeldt: No. This is not what I want. I must be lightheaded from all the transfusions. I've given her several pints of blood today and I haven't had anything to eat. Excuse me. I'm going to fix myself some tea. I'll be as quick as I can. And, if you don't mind, the cake plate.

[14:52] Count Dracula: Of course.

[14:56] Dr. Wallace Westfeldt: Dear Mina, Lucy has been giving transfusions. Which means her blood now runs through your veins. That will have to do for now. Until I can get Lucy to join me for all eternity.

[15:11] Renfield: You called, Master?

[15:13] Count Dracula: I have a job for you.

[15:15] Renfield: Anything.

[15:16] Count Dracula: I need you to bring Mina back to Carfax. I would fly her myself, but she's over the weight limit.

[15:21] Renfield: Of course. But not a word. Not a whisper. You understand?

[15:25] Renfield: Yes, Master.

[15:29] Count Dracula: Cor, gone in a puff of smoke. How did you...

[15:32] Renfield: I'm sorry to keep you waiting, Count. I have your plate here and...

[15:35] Count Dracula: Renfield!

[15:36] Lucy Westfeldt: Miss Lucy!

[15:39] Renfield: Where's the cow?

[15:41] Lucy Westfeldt: I'll never tell.

[15:44] Dr. Wallace Westfeldt: Oh, God. What are you doing with Mina?

[15:46] Renfield: Sorry. Gotta run. Out of my way!

[15:50] Lucy Westfeldt: Help! Help! Doctor Van Helsing!

[15:55] Dr. Wallace Westfeldt: 20th October, 1897. Mina Westfeldt is missing. And there is only one logical suspect.

[16:03] Dr. Wallace Westfeldt: Renfield! Clearly his appetite for insects has grown to a thirst for human blood!

[16:13] Dr. Jean Van Helsing: Doctor Westfeldt? Any progress at all?

[16:16] Dr. Wallace Westfeldt: I'm afraid not. Renfield is nowhere to be found.

[16:19] Dr. Jean Van Helsing: This is all too terrible to comprehend, to think. I let that man into my house. Now he's abducted my second favourite daughter.

[16:26] Dr. Jean Van Helsing: We'll find them, Father.

[16:28] Dr. Wallace Westfeldt: I'm not so certain. We've had men searching the property all morning.

[16:31] Dr. Jean Van Helsing: Maybe you should have asked some women.

[16:33] Dr. Wallace Westfeldt: I've been searched as well. We're still working on our pronouns.

[16:36] Dr. Jean Van Helsing: Don't get me started. I'm going back out to liaise with the other search parties. I'll let you know the minute we have anything at all.

[16:44] Lucy Westfeldt: Miss Lucy.

[16:45] Lord Swivelhips: Lord Swivelhips.

[16:47] Lord Swivelhips: Listen, my heart is breaking for you and your family. Should you need anything, anything at all, you just call on me. I'm here for you.

[16:55] Lucy Westfeldt: I appreciate that.

[16:57] Lord Swivelhips: To satisfy your every little need.

[17:00] Lucy Westfeldt: Unfortunately, you cannot provide what I truly need, my dear sister.

[17:04] Lord Swivelhips: That's not what I meant.

[17:06] Lucy Westfeldt: See, I was talking about the romantic kind.

[17:08] Lord Swivelhips: Yes, I understood. I was pretending not to.

[17:11] Lucy Westfeldt: Lord Swivelhips, your behaviour is vulgar and predatory. I must insist that you leave at once.

[17:16] Lord Swivelhips: Well, you don't have to be cruel, you know.

[17:23] Lucy Westfeldt: Und stay out.

[17:25] Lord Swivelhips: I have left the building.

[17:27] Jonathan Harker: Lucy, are you all right?

[17:29] Lucy Westfeldt: Jonathan. There you are.

[17:32] Lucy Westfeldt: I am. Thank you, but only just.

[17:35] Jonathan Harker: You missed quite a scene.

[17:37] Lucy Westfeldt: Yes, I saw.

[17:38] Jonathan Harker: He was pretty ghastly.

[17:39] Lucy Westfeldt: You saw that?

[17:40] Jonathan Harker: Yes, I... I didn't want to be rude.

[17:44] Lucy Westfeldt: You didn't want to be rude?

[17:46] Jonathan Harker: Well, he's American. What if he were to challenge me to fisticuffs?

[17:50] Lucy Westfeldt: Right. Dr. Van Helsing had it well in hand.

[17:53] Jonathan Harker: But next time...

[17:54] Lucy Westfeldt: Yes, next time I need support.

[17:56] Jonathan Harker: I'll make sure to look for Dr. Van Helsing.

[17:59] Lucy Westfeldt: Lucy, you know I love you, don't you?

[18:01] Lucy Westfeldt: I know you think you do.

[18:03] Jonathan Harker: You're the most wonderful thing that's ever happened to me.

[18:06] Lucy Westfeldt: Jonathan, I need to be alone for a while. If you don't mind.

[18:12] Jonathan Harker: Do you want some company?

[18:14] Lucy Westfeldt: Jonathan.

[18:15] Jonathan Harker: I'll see myself out.

[18:19] Lucy Westfeldt: Lucy, my love!

[18:20] Count Dracula: Count! Oh, you're all right!

[18:23] Count Dracula: Thank heavens! I assumed Renfield must have gotten to you too.

[18:26] Lucy Westfeldt: He did. But I made a narrow escape.

[18:29] Count Dracula: You must be hungry. I'll fix you something.

[18:31] Lucy Westfeldt: I had a little snack in Saltwick Park on my way over.

[18:34] Count Dracula: There are restaurants in Saltwick Park?

[18:36] Lucy Westfeldt: I had to see you alone. I have thought of nothing else since our lips touched.

[18:40] Count Dracula: That was a mistake, Count.

[18:42] Count Dracula: A beautiful mistake.

[18:43] Lucy Westfeldt: I can't think about this now. My sister...

[18:45] Count Dracula: Your sister is in good hands.

[18:47] Lucy Westfeldt: Good hands?

[18:48] Count Dracula: Renfield is a lunatic.

[18:49] Lucy Westfeldt: Not everything is as it appears.

[18:52] Count Dracula: It is a comfort knowing there is more to life than that which you can see in the light of day.

[18:58] Count Dracula: Like this flower in my lapel.

[19:02] Lucy Westfeldt: It looks like...

[19:04] Lucy Westfeldt: No, it couldn't be.

[19:06] Lucy Westfeldt: Is that a...

[19:07] Count Dracula: A Dramaticus Vita Vampirius?

[19:09] Count Dracula: It is indeed. Have it.

[19:13] Lucy Westfeldt: The book says they're extinct.

[19:15] Count Dracula: Yes. And yet I grew one for you.

[19:18] Lucy Westfeldt: You did? Why?

[19:20] Count Dracula: Oh! Oh, look at that. I'm bleeding.

[19:24] Lucy Westfeldt: Oh, isn't that something?

[19:26] Count Dracula: Something delicious.

[19:28] Lucy Westfeldt: What was that?

[19:29] Count Dracula: Auspicious something.

[19:30] Lucy Westfeldt: Auspicious.

[19:31] Count Dracula: I happen to have a handkerchief.

[19:33] Lucy Westfeldt: Oh, thank you so much. I'll have this washed and ironed and return it to you next week.

[19:38] Count Dracula: Oh, don't you dare. I mean, I wouldn't hear of it. I'll just... I'll just take that back from you.

[19:42] Lucy Westfeldt: No, no, please. It's no problem. Really, I insist. Don't be worried about the germs.

[19:46] Count Dracula: Give it here! Now!

[19:49] Lucy Westfeldt: Oh!

[19:51] Count Dracula: Where did that come from?

[19:53] Lucy Westfeldt: You inspire it in me. Fate has dealt me a torturous hand. Being near you only reminds me of what I don't have.

[20:02] Count Dracula: You have everything.

[20:05] Lucy Westfeldt: You don't know what it is to be alone. From the time I was a child, I had to endure the scorn and ridicule of other children in my village. I couldn't swing a cricket bat if my life depended on it. Also, they had never seen a boy in a cape. They bullied me, stormed my house with tortures and horrible epithets. But I got my revenge.

[20:28] Count Dracula: How's that?

[20:29] Count Dracula: By becoming very good-looking. Also rich and immortal.

[20:34] Lucy Westfeldt: That's pretty major.

[20:35] Count Dracula: Did you say... But you can only drink and shop and sleep around for so long until it begins to feel like you've eaten too much dessert and you're rotting inside.

[20:46] Lucy Westfeldt: You poor thing.

[20:47] Count Dracula: Help me, Lucy. Help me heal. Share my life with me, the good and the bad. Celebrate the extraordinary. Bear witness to the mundane. And this is something I have never said to anyone before in my life.

[21:01] Lucy Westfeldt: Tell me more about you.

[21:04] Count Dracula: Me? Well, I guess I've always wondered why...

[21:07] Count Dracula: Because the more I think about it, the more I feel I've known you forever. Be my bride, Lucy. Stand next to me, preferably on the left because I'm told my right is more appealing. Run away and explore the world with me.

[21:20] Renfield: Ahem. Um, Lucy?

[21:22] Jonathan Harker: Jonathan! I'm so sorry to interrupt, but your father is back with some news. He's asking for you.

[21:26] Lucy Westfeldt: I'll go find him. Excuse me, Count. Will I see you later?

[21:31] Count Dracula: Of course.

[21:37] Count Dracula: I should be going as well.

[21:39] Lucy Westfeldt: Wait. Count Dracula, might I have a word?

[21:43] Count Dracula: Absolutely.

[21:45] Lucy Westfeldt: Tomorrow?

[21:46] Count Dracula: Please. Just a moment of your time.

[21:49] Count Dracula: Very well. What is it?

[21:51] Lucy Westfeldt: Yes. I was wondering.

[21:55] Lucy Westfeldt: How is it that you can be so... so brazen, so heroic, so fearless in life?

[22:03] Count Dracula: You think I'm fearless?

[22:05] Lucy Westfeldt: Of course. Look at you. What could you possibly be afraid of? Mirrors? Crosses? Dying alone? That's a big one for me, too. But I deal with it.

[22:15] Count Dracula: How?

[22:17] Count Dracula: By focusing on the powers I have been graced with.

[22:20] Lucy Westfeldt: I'm afraid that wouldn't take me very long. I haven't any powers. I'm no hero.

[22:26] Count Dracula: Ah, perhaps not. But I've been around long enough to know that anyone who claims they're a hero probably isn't.

[22:35] Lucy Westfeldt: Huh.

[22:36] Count Dracula: My friend, however powerless you feel right now, never forget that you always have the power to surprise yourself.

[22:46] Lucy Westfeldt: I suppose you're right.

[22:48] Count Dracula: Oh, so it wouldn't hurt to hit the gym. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to make myself scarce.

[22:56] Lucy Westfeldt: You're still here.

[22:58] Count Dracula: Sorry.

[22:59] Count Dracula: Wardrobe malfunction. I'll just... I'll just...

[23:06] Count Dracula: Excuse me.

[23:14] Count Dracula: Bye-bye.

[23:17] Jonathan Harker: Jonathan? Is the Count gone?

[23:19] Lucy Westfeldt: Yes, just. He has a habit of disappearing at convenient moments. I can't help but wonder if he's somehow connected to all this mischief.

[23:29] Dr. Jean Van Helsing: Jean. John. Can we have a word? Father's got something frightfully important to tell us.

[23:34] Jonathan Harker: Of course. What is it, Wallis?

[23:36] Dr. Wallace Westfeldt: Apparently, there was another attack in town this evening.

[23:39] Lucy Westfeldt: Isn't it awful?

[23:40] Dr. Wallace Westfeldt: In Whitby? Near Saltwick Park.

[23:43] Jonathan Harker: Wait. Saltwick Park? What time?

[23:46] Dr. Wallace Westfeldt: Just an hour ago. The girl had the same marks on her neck.

[23:50] Dr. Jean Van Helsing: Mein Gott. How gruesome.

[23:53] Dr. Wallace Westfeldt: And a Vita Vampirius flower in her hand.

[23:56] Dr. Jean Van Helsing: Vita Vampirius. I must speak with her.

[23:59] Dr. Wallace Westfeldt: Unfortunately, the girl is dead.

[24:02] Dr. Jean Van Helsing: So quickly?

[24:03] Dr. Wallace Westfeldt: She was hit by a horse and carriage as she ran from her attacker.

[24:06] Dr. Jean Van Helsing: Renfield! He's still in Whitby. Are we certain that Renfield is the killer?

[24:12] Dr. Wallace Westfeldt: Who else could it be? This is a small village and I like to jump to conclusions.

[24:17] Dr. Jean Van Helsing: Unless...

[24:18] Dr. Wallace Westfeldt: Yes?

[24:19] Dr. Jean Van Helsing: It would have to be someone we've only ever seen at night.

[24:22] Dr. Wallace Westfeldt: Yes. And someone who's allergic to garlic.

[24:27] Dr. Jean Van Helsing: You're getting warmer. And that captain's log mentioned bite marks on the necks of those sailors. And there was only one survivor.

[24:34] Dr. Wallace Westfeldt: What are you saying?

[24:35] Dr. Jean Van Helsing: Count Dracula is the vampire.

[24:44] Dr. Wallace Westfeldt: I can't believe how long it took us to figure that out. We must find him and free Mina at once. And then destroy him before he strikes again.

[24:52] Dr. Wallace Westfeldt: Lucy, you are to stay home.

[24:54] Lucy Westfeldt: I want to come, father.

[24:55] Dr. Wallace Westfeldt: Please. I've already lost one daughter. I cannot bear to lose you.

[24:59] Jonathan Harker: Jonathan will join me.

[25:00] Dr. Wallace Westfeldt: I will?

[25:01] Jonathan Harker: It's all right. You don't need to go. Really.

[25:04] Dr. Wallace Westfeldt: No. No, I'm going.

[25:06] Lucy Westfeldt: Are you sure?

[25:07] Jonathan Harker: In sickness and in health.

[25:09] Dr. Wallace Westfeldt: Please, be careful.

[25:11] Jonathan Harker: That may be the one thing you don't have to worry about. Jonathan, grab a torch.

[25:16] Dr. Wallace Westfeldt: Good vampire hunting.

[25:22] Narrator: Will our heroes get to Mina in time? Will Lucy and Jonathan come together when it counts? Will Dr. Westfeldt finally respect women?

[25:30] Dr. Wallace Westfeldt: I am a product of a different time.

[25:33] Narrator: Well, time is running out. Tune in next week for the thrilling conclusion of Dracula.

[25:40] Narrator: A comedy of terrors. Dracula, a comedy of terrors, was written by Gordon Greenberg and Steve Rosen. Directed by Gordon Greenberg. Associated directed by Marty McGuire. Edited and mixed by Bart Fassbender. With original music and sound design by Victoria DiOrio. Produced by Dori Berinstein and Alan Seales for the Broadway Podcast Network.

[26:00] Narrator: This week's episode featured Christopher Sieber as Dracula. Jeff Kready as Jonathan Harker. Ashley Park as Lucy Westfeldt. Kathy Fitzgerald as Kitty. Alex Brightman as Renfield. Annaleigh Ashford as Mina Westfeldt. James Monroe Iglehart as Dr. Wallace Westfeldt. Laura Benanti as Dr. Jean Van Helsing. John Stamos as Lord Swivelhips. And I am your narrator, Alan Tudyk.

[26:24] Narrator: Dracula, a comedy of terrors, was commissioned and originally produced by the Maltz Jupiter Theatre. Andrew Cato, Producing Artistic Director, Chief Executive.