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[0:19] Host: Welcome, listeners, to the first thrilling installment of As The Curtain Rises. You're about to meet a band of foolhardy professionals who still make their livings working in the American theater. Bobby Kearns and Kay Fields are partners in work and in life. After years of shows that lasted around three weeks but received rave reviews, go figure, their most recent show, The Last Cigar, swept the Tony Awards. What does that say? And now, they're almost ready with their next masterpiece. Oh, goody. But first, a few things are going to put a damper on their spirits, starting with what puts a damper on most of our spirits, social media. Uh-oh, I hear a tweet. It's gotta be the Broadway disher. Talk about having your finger on the theatrical pulse.

Love her. Guys, I just heard that Kay and Bobby have finished writing an incredible new musical. Where do I sign in for my audition, Bernie? J.K., hashtag offer only. Let the games begin. C-A-A-A. The extra A is because we care. How may I direct your call? Spare me. Why the hell can't I direct dial Charles with all the money I pay you people?

[1:36] Steve Jones: Oh, Mr. Jones, I am so sorry, sir. Charles is unreachable. Isn't he the hell back yet? How long does dimpleplasty take? There were complications. Can't even have basic cosmetic surgery correctly. What's the name of that junior agent Charles just hired?

[1:52] Assistant: Furnsby, certainly, sir. Just one moment.

[1:57] Steve Jones: Furnsby. Furnsby. Steve Jones here. I want that musical.

[2:01] Maxwell Fernsby: What musical? Don't you dare play games with me.

[2:03] Steve Jones: No, seriously, what musical? We have many prolific clients here at C-A-A-A.

[2:11] Maxwell Fernsby: Many is a stretch, as is prolific, Maxwell. Bobby and Kay, you know I'm talking about Bobby and Kay.

[2:18] Steve Jones: Uh, who? Cut the bullshit. I have first look.

[2:21] Maxwell Fernsby: First look at what? The feeding frenzy is underway, but it's game over for you desperate producers. I hear mega producer Steve Jones has Kay and Bobby's show locked and loaded. Hashtag, call me, Steve.

[2:36] Steve Jones: You're good, kid, for what? A 12-year-old? But the show is mine. Check with Charles, you'll see.

[2:42] Maxwell Fernsby: Who? Who is Steve Jones?

[2:47] Steve Jones: Hello? Bobby, it's Steve. Wonderful to hear your voice. How is my favorite husband and wife writing team?

[2:51] Bobby Kearns: Oh, Jesus Christ. Fine, Steve. Kay and I are both fine. What do you want?

[2:58] Steve Jones: So excited to hear about the new show. Eager to dive in and make all your dreams come true.

[3:04] Bobby Kearns: What? Wait, what? How? Doesn't matter. I'm your man, Bobby.

[3:10] Bobby Kearns: My man for what? I love your humility. Bobby, it's like your superpower. Broadway disher.

[3:18] Steve Jones: You should have told me first. No, no, not happening. We're not ready to discuss the show yet, and anyway, when we are, you will not be our first call.

[3:27] Steve Jones: Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. I just want to say congrats, check in, and see if you two want to grab some dim sum with me this weekend.

[3:35] Bobby Kearns: Steve, you know, things didn't go so well on The Last Cigar.

[3:40] Steve Jones: Bobby, that was forever ago. We've all grown so much since then.

[3:43] Bobby Kearns: That was last spring. And you and Kay won a Tony.

[3:47] Steve Jones: Yes, yes, that was lovely, but we went through hell with you, Steve. Not sure it was worth it.

[3:52] Steve Jones: It's a new decade, Bobby. I'm feeling renewed and joyous.

[3:55] Bobby Kearns: This is the year of the rat, Steve. Goodbye.

[3:58] Assistant: CAAA. The extra A is because we care. How may I direct your call?

[4:07] Bobby Kearns: Maxwell Fernsby, please. This is Bobby Kearns.

[4:14] Assistant: Certainly, sir. Just one moment.

[4:18] Maxwell Fernsby: It's Fernsby. It's Bobby Kearns.

[4:23] Bobby Kearns: What the hell, Maxwell?

[4:27] Maxwell Fernsby: Ah, yeah, right. Okay. Hello, Mr. Kearns.

[4:30] Bobby Kearns: Jesus. Maxwell, you can call me Bobby.

[4:35] Maxwell Fernsby: Excellent. Hi, Bobby. Yeah, I just had the weirdest call about you. Some guy named Steve, Steve Joe.

[4:36] Bobby Kearns: Don't, don't, don't speak his name. Okay, Maxwell, I know you just stepped into some big shoes, and you're still very junior, but even your intern knows that Steve Jones is Broadway's biggest ogre producer.

[4:50] Maxwell Fernsby: Got the ogre part clearly, sir. He just called me too. Somehow he's heard about the new musical Kay and I have been working on, and for some reason, he thinks he's going to produce it.

[5:00] Bobby Kearns: That's exciting.

[5:01] Maxwell Fernsby: No, no, it's really not. Not at all. Look, Maxwell, you're a great guy, and we love that reservation that you snagged for us at Restora, but, and I ask this with only kindness and respect in my heart. Why the fuck didn't you neutralize Steve?

[5:18] Maxwell Fernsby: I'm so, I'm so sorry, sir. I didn't, I didn't know what to say. Steve was so loud, and it's only my third week, and I never have to deal with the clients like that. Charles handles all that delicate situations. I'm just here to handhold and cheer for people. That man is scary.

[5:34] Bobby Kearns: Yeah, he is, Maxwell. Don't worry about it. When is Charles back?

[5:39] Maxwell Fernsby: Oh, you didn't hear? After the dimples cratered, gangrene set in. Yeah, he's in observation.

[5:46] Bobby Kearns: Well, I don't know why he needed bigger dimples. The man hasn't smiled since Two Gentlemen of Verona beat Follies at the Tonys.

[5:53] Maxwell Fernsby: I really can't say, sir.

[5:54] Bobby Kearns: Okay, just try to keep Steve off our backs, Maxwell.

[5:58] Maxwell Fernsby: Will do. What's the new show about anyway?

[6:03] Bobby Kearns: Don't faint. It's Avatar. Hashtag not kidding. Hashtag home run. Hashtag Navi for life.

[6:12] Kay Fields: Don't answer that, Bobby. This is a nightmare.

[6:14] Bobby Kearns: Okay, babe, I have to. It's Cheryl. Better to keep the peace.

[6:18] Kay Fields: We're not ready to talk to anyone, let alone producers. Remember our plan? Just say hello and tell her we'll reach out when we're ready.

[6:27] Bobby Kearns: Fine. Hello, Cheryl.

[6:29] Cheryl Philips: Hey, darling. Congrats on the show.

[6:34] Bobby Kearns: Cheryl, we're not ready to talk to any producers. Not even you.

[6:37] Cheryl Philips: I've got a theater. You'll never believe which one.

[6:41] Bobby Kearns: What? A theater for what?

[6:42] Cheryl Philips: For Avatar.

[6:44] Kay Fields: What? A theater?

[6:45] Cheryl Philips: Cheryl, how did you?

[6:46] Kay Fields: She's got a theater? What theater?

[6:48] Cheryl Philips: It's the Mark Hellinger, Kay. The Hellinger.

[6:52] Kay Fields: The theater that's been out of commission for over 30 years.

[6:55] Cheryl Philips: You got the Times Square Church to rent you the Mark Hellinger?

[6:59] Kay Fields: What? The Hellinger? Oh my God. I love the Hellinger. Oh, those murals. The lobby.

[7:05] Cheryl Philips: No one's even seen a script, Cheryl. How can you have a theater?

[7:08] Cheryl Philips: It's track record, baby. That best musical Tony last year? You're in the club, kids. Sure, none of your shows have exactly been profitable, but you can blame your producer for that. How could you ever recoup with his PR budget?

[7:24] Bobby Kearns: Thank you?

[7:25] Cheryl Philips: You don't want Steve Jones. Life is way too short.

[7:29] Bobby Kearns: Or so tonight. Let's make this official.

[7:33] Cheryl Philips: You're so wonderful, Cheryl, but we have a plan.

[7:36] Kay Fields: Wait, wait, wait. Come on. Let's think about this. I mean, it's the Hellinger, for heaven's sake.

[7:41] Bobby Kearns: We're not ready to commit to anyone or anything.

[7:44] Cheryl Philips: Kay, I was there for you and Bobby on your five-hour musical adaptation of Middlemarch. You canceled the Broadway run after La Jolla.

[7:51] Kay Fields: But I was there before we realized no one cared. Can you put Bobby on?

[7:56] Bobby Kearns: Hi, Cheryl. You're on speaker. Do you really have the Hellinger?

[7:59] Cheryl Philips: Yes, I do. 100% confirmed.

[8:02] Bobby Kearns: We're not ready yet. We want this one to be different.

[8:06] Cheryl Philips: So I should tell God and the Times Square Church no thank you?

[8:10] Bobby Kearns: No, no, no. Cheryl, we just need a little time. Just a few days, okay?

[8:15] Cheryl Philips: Sardi's. Noon. Friday. That gives you three days. You don't want to blow this. See you then.

[8:23] Kay Fields: This is not the plan.

[8:26] Bobby Kearns: No, babe, I know it's not. But I love the Hellinger.

[8:30] Kay Fields: The home of My Fair Lady. On a clear day.

[8:33] Bobby Kearns: Yeah, and Legs Diamond.

[8:35] Kay Fields: Ha, ha, ha, fantastic. And the drama behind the curtain doesn't stop there. Self-obsessed Broadway diva extreme Emma Olivia Karen means box office gold most of the time.

[8:48] Bobby Kearns: But fasten your seatbelts and buy up ibuprofen in bulk. Have I got stories!

[8:53] Emma-Olivia: Who the hell is this? I'm a fucking millennial. I don't do... phone?

[9:04] Steve Jones: It's Steve. And you talk to me like that again and I'll make sure you can't even get a Cars for Cash commercial.

[9:10] Emma-Olivia: Sorry, I'm on a juice fast and I'm cranky. What's up?

[9:14] Steve Jones: I'm just calling to make all your dreams come true. Bobby and Kay have a new musical with a juicy part for a young cranky diva.

[9:20] Emma-Olivia: OMG, how do you know this and I don't?

[9:24] Steve Jones: The Broadway disher and Reedle's out with it. The one day I decide to do a social media cleanse, I swear to Christ.

[9:30] Emma-Olivia: Avatar? Oh Steve, I look so good in blue.

[9:37] Steve Jones: If you don't get me that role, I'll tell everyone you're straight.

[9:40] Emma-Olivia: You wouldn't dare.

[9:41] Steve Jones: You're so funny, Steve. Bye.

[9:46] Jordan Roth: It's Jordan Roth calling. I have just heard maybe the best news of my entire life. Avatar the musical? Are you kidding me? This is, of course, so my show. When we meet next, I'll tell you my Tree of Souls story and my Na'vi expertise. But suffice to say, I already have my blue opening night extravaganza outfit in the works. So you tell me when. Much love. Bye.

[10:21] Bobby Kearns: Don't answer it, Bobby.

[10:23] Kay Fields: We can't hide. I'll make him go away. Go away, Steve.

[10:32] Steve Jones: Emma Olivia and a Jew Jamson Theatre.

[10:37] Bobby Kearns: Shit, give me the phone. That is great news, Steve, but we are just not ready for this yet.

[10:43] Kaye Fields: You're seriously debating whether or not this generation's Gwen Verdon is good enough for your show? She has more Tony Awards than Audra. Okay, maybe that's a slight exaggeration, but ultimately that will be an accurate statement. Not to mention the backing of a magnificent theatre empire. Jordan already has his opening night outfit figured out. Emma Olivia, I love her. And those Jew Jamson theatres are incredible.

[11:08] Bobby Kearns: We don't even have a role for Emma Olivia.

[11:10] Kaye Fields: We do now.

[11:11] Bobby Kearns: Just...

[11:12] Kaye Fields: I've got this. Steve? Steve? If we were ever to consider working with you again, there would need to be crystal clear parameters.

[11:19] Steve Jones: Of course, Bobby, of course. We can discuss all that.

[11:26] Bobby Kearns: Okay, meet us Friday at Sardi's. Noon.

[11:29] Kaye Fields: Noon.

[11:31] Bobby Kearns: What did you just do? What?

[11:33] Kaye Fields: Babe, babe, babe, don't kill me.

[11:35] Bobby Kearns: What?

[11:36] Kaye Fields: Emma Olivia is the dream.

[11:37] Bobby Kearns: The dream for what? Our youngest female is a middle-aged mom.

[11:42] Kaye Fields: Does she have to be middle-aged?

[11:43] Bobby Kearns: Okay, okay, all right. So we write a role for her.

[11:47] Kaye Fields: What role? What are you talking about?

[11:49] Bobby Kearns: We can just, we can just rethink.

[11:51] Kaye Fields: The entire script? Are you crazy? Are you crazy?

[11:54] Bobby Kearns: She sells tickets and she can act.

[11:57] Kaye Fields: She's a total diva.

[11:58] Bobby Kearns: Well, but worth it, right?

[12:00] Kaye Fields: Bobby, it is never worth it.

[12:04] Bobby Kearns: Well, what if we try to get Emma Olivia without Steve?

[12:06] Kaye Fields: No, you know how these things work, Bobby. She won back-to-back Tonys because Steve plastered Times Square and the New York Times with her face. Not to mention the Bahamas boondoggle weekend for Tony voters.

[12:18] Bobby Kearns: What? Wait, wait, would we get to go to the Bahamas?

[12:21] Kaye Fields: Yes, I think they bring down the creative teams.

[12:24] Bobby Kearns: Oh, I haven't had Envy invoking tan lines in years.

[12:30] Kaye Fields: Or ever. And you want us to say no to Cheryl and the Hallinger so you can get a tan?

[12:36] Bobby Kearns: No, no, I, of course not. I mean, well, I, I, not really, but come on, babe. There's got to be a way, babe. Come on, babe, babe, babe.

[12:47] Kaye Fields: Bobby, don't look at me like that.

[12:50] Bobby Kearns: Babe, babe, babe.

[12:53] Kaye Fields: And don't you want to see what magnificent blue outfit Jordan Roth wears to our opening night?

[12:59] Bobby Kearns: All right. All right. All right. Okay. All right. Okay. I have an idea.

[13:04] Kaye Fields: I knew you would. I knew you would. I get a tan and the Hallinger.

[13:09] Bobby Kearns: This is going to age me.

[13:10] Kaye Fields: And me. What are these people thinking?

[13:13] Bobby Kearns: I'm on the edge of my seat and can't wait until Friday.

[13:17] Kaye Fields: Let's time travel to Sardis right now. I've got to see this.

[13:22] Randolph: Sergei, we have both Cheryl Phillips and Steve Jones joining us today at Sardis. Make sure you bring their Sardis caricatures out of storage and hang them on the main room wall. But keep them far apart. We're still finding bits of glass in the carpet from last time.

[13:43] Randolph: Ah, Miss Phillips, welcome to Sardis. Your luncheon companions are already seated at the CAAA table.

[13:54] Cheryl Phillips: Oh, is Charles back?

[13:56] Randolph: No, not yet. I believe Maxwell Furnsby is hosting.

[14:02] Cheryl Phillips: Randolph, really? The CAAA table with such a junior agent?

[14:07] Randolph: Yes, but Mr. Furnsby insisted he can be very...

[14:13] Cheryl Phillips: Persuasive?

[14:15] Randolph: Pathetic, ma'am.

[14:17] Cheryl Phillips: That he can be. Well, Randolph, it's a very special day. So I'm going to need champagne at the table.

[14:24] Randolph: That's wonderful. Of course. Right away.

[14:29] Cheryl Phillips: Oh, it's so great to see you all.

[14:32] Kaye Fields: Cheryl!

[14:32] Steve Jones: Hi, Chubby.

[14:35] Cheryl Phillips: You've done it again.

[14:37] Steve Jones: Well, not yet.

[14:39] Maxwell Furnsby: Maxwell, are you kidding? The whole town is buzzing nonstop. It's going to be huge if we put tickets on sale for the first six months tomorrow. Premium seats. We'd be sold out in hours.

[14:53] Cheryl Phillips: Well, that might be a tad optimistic, but your confidence in us is appreciated.

[14:58] Steve Jones: Right, right, Bobby. Look, this one's different. You know, Bobby and I, we need time to develop the story. We really want to start slow.

[15:06] Kaye Fields: A 29-hour, a two-week lab, an ad hoc, you sure?

[15:10] Maxwell Furnsby: Hey, hey, I'm with you. The long road to Broadway is often so vital for a show. See what you've got. Refine, rework, refine, rework.

[15:24] Cheryl Phillips: We certainly found that out with Middlemarch.

[15:28] Steve Jones: Oh, but this one's different. You can open tomorrow, whatever. And it would be unstoppable.

[15:36] Cheryl Phillips: But...

[15:37] Steve Jones: Don't forget, I have a theater.

[15:41] Randolph: Right this way, sir.

[15:45] Kaye Fields: Okay, Bobby, Maxwell, Cheryl, what the hell are you doing here?

[15:50] Steve Jones: Voldemort.

[15:51] Kaye Fields: You've got to be kidding. Look, we've got history with both of you. Some good, some... Steve.

[15:58] Cheryl Phillips: You've got the Hellinger. Steve, you've got Emma Olivia and the New York Times in your pocket. Let's all join forces.

[16:07] Steve Jones: The Hellinger?

[16:08] Kaye Fields: I can top that.

[16:10] Bobby Kearns: I can get Wicked moved to the Barrymore.

[16:12] Steve Jones: Really? You need 1,800 seats. This show has my name on it.

[16:16] Cheryl Phillips: Well, we were actually thinking a more intimate theater makes sense.

[16:18] Bobby Kearns: Yeah, yeah.

[16:19] Maxwell Furnsby: Are you kidding? Maxwell, do your thing.

[16:22] Bobby Kearns: Yeah, seriously, time to step up into those agent shoes.

[16:25] Maxwell Furnsby: I've been meaning to go shopping.

[16:28] Bobby Kearns: No, Maxwell, it's an expression.

[16:30] Steve Jones: Okay, Steve, Cheryl, it's now or never. All for one and one for all or don't bother eating lunch.

[16:38] Cheryl Phillips: How dare you?

[16:39] Bobby Kearns: I brought my favorite signing pen. It's from the original production of Legally Blonde, the courtroom scene. And look, it even writes in pink ink.

[16:48] Kaye Fields: Damn it. This is so very low.

[16:51] Steve Jones: Well, we learned from the best. Give me that contract.

[16:55] Bobby Kearns: Yay! That was my first contract.

[16:59] Kaye Fields: Should I, um, should I go ahead and order some apps?

[17:03] Bobby Kearns: Fine.

[17:04] Kaye Fields: All right, let's get to work. Of course you have the film rights cleared, right?

[17:09] Steve Jones: What?

[17:10] Bobby Kearns: What?

[17:10] Kaye Fields: Film rights?

[17:11] Steve Jones: To Avatar.

[17:14] Bobby Kearns: Well, why would we do that?

[17:16] Kaye Fields: The movie. You've got to clear the rights. Day one business.

[17:21] Steve Jones: No, no, we didn't.

[17:22] Bobby Kearns: We didn't.

[17:23] Kaye Fields: No, no, we don't need the rights.

[17:26] Steve Jones: Uh, yeah, you do, Bobby.

[17:29] Kaye Fields: Not good.

[17:30] Bobby Kearns: But I can make some calls. Check in with James Cameron.

[17:34] Kaye Fields: Oh, wait. Our show doesn't have anything to do with the film Avatar. It's about avatars. You know, characters in video games.

[17:45] Steve Jones: Yeah.

[17:48] Kaye Fields: I believe congratulations are in order.

[17:53] Bobby Kearns: Hear that, Bobby?

[17:54] Bobby Kearns: What?

[17:55] Kaye Fields: That's the sound of your career's ending.

[18:01] Narrator: Can Bobby and Kaye pull this off? Will Cheryl and Steve survive one another till opening night? Will Charles's gangrene resolve itself in time for episode two? Will James Cameron find out an Avatar musical is in the works? Will the Hellinger rise again? Will we ever hear from Sergei? Do you think there's any champagne left? And just what apps did Maxwell Furnsby order? Join us next week for answers to some or none of these questions on the second episode of As the Curtain Rises.

[18:36] Narrator: Thank you from the bottom of our cold hearts for listening to As the Curtain Rises. A gargantuan thanks to our brilliant cast. James Monroe Iglehart as producer Steve Jones. Lillias White as producer Cheryl Phillips. Ashley Park as book writer lyricist Kaye Fields. Michael Urie as composer Bobby Kearns. Sarah Stiles as diva Emma Olivia. George Salazar as agent Maxwell Furnsby in the bathroom. Lesli Margherita as the Broadway disher. Ilana Levine as the CAAA receptionist. Jacob Smith as Randolph. And me, the incredible two-time Tony Award loser, Alex Brightman as the narrator!

[19:34] Narrator: Also, huge, gigantic, stupendous thanks to our phone message leavers, Jordan Roth, written by Dory Berenstein and Mark Pykert, directed by Dory Berenstein. Music, sound editing and design by Bart Fassbender. Avatar music by Matthew Sklar. Sound engineering by Alan Seals. Banshee wrangling by the wonderful Bill Perloni! Produced by Dory Berenstein, Alan Seals, and the Broadway Podcast Network. Executive produced by Liz Armstrong. And absolutely everything else by our extraordinary BPN team, Brittany Bigelow, Joanna Nikolova, Katie Rosen, Cindy Schatz, and Beatriz Westby.

[20:23] Narrator: As the Curtain Rises was created and recorded entirely in quarantine. This Broadway soap opera celebrates and supports the Actors Fund and the BPN Frontline Worker Initiative, which you can find at bpn.fm slash frontlineworkers. That's bpn.fm slash frontlineworkers. And finally, a very special thanks to our producing partner, Liz Armstrong, for your extraordinary support and inspiration. Buh-bye!

[20:56] Narrator: As the Curtain Rises through the Sound and Light Initiative is a sponsored project of the Gotham's Fiscal Sponsorship Program.