Will Zeus' plan to restructure the heavens yield more or less productivity for Hermes, the messenger? Starring prolific writer-performers Joe Gilford (Why Does the Screenwriter Cross the Road?) and Sarah Saltzberg (Gettin' the Band Back Together)... Read More
From the show: Around the Sun
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Will Zeus' plan to restructure the heavens yield more or less productivity for Hermes, the messenger? Starring prolific writer-performers Joe Gilford (Why Does the Screenwriter Cross the Road?) and Sarah Saltzberg (Gettin' the Band Back Together). Hosted by Brad Forenza.
Transcript
This transcript was automatically generated and might contain errors.
[0:01] Brad Forenza: Well, here we are, Brian.
[0:03] Brian: Here we are, Brad.
[0:05] Brad Forenza: The end of an era.
[0:06] Brian: Post-pandemic, post-actor strike.
[0:09] Brad Forenza: Just two dudes back where it all started, sitting on their balcony and contemplating the world they've created.
[0:16] Brian: You know, this doesn't have to be the end, though.
[0:18] Brad Forenza: I know, but it's getting late.
[0:21] Brian: I'm not doing a bit, Brad. I'm just reminding you.
[0:25] Brad Forenza: This doesn't have to be the end.
[0:27] Brian: It's just time for a rest.
[0:30] Brad Forenza: A rest. I like that.
[0:33] Brian: Have a good night, Brian.
[0:36] Brad Forenza: Have a good night, Brad.
[0:38] Brian: For now, anyway.
[0:40] Brad Forenza: Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight.
[0:48] Brian: I wish I may, I wish I might, have this wish I wish tonight.
[0:53] Brad Forenza: This is our series epilogue, part three of three, Gods and Demigods, starring Joe Gilford and Sarah Saltzberg.
[1:11] Joe Gilford: Hermes, welcome back to the heavens.
[1:17] Sarah Saltzberg: Why so late?
[1:18] Joe Gilford: Why so late?
[1:20] Sarah Saltzberg: I don't know, boss. You tell me why so late.
[1:23] Joe Gilford: Come, sit.
[1:25] Sarah Saltzberg: It's almost time for our show.
[1:28] Joe Gilford: Dancing Among Stars is not our show.
[1:31] Sarah Saltzberg: It's your show.
[1:32] Joe Gilford: And you know I just got back from representing you in the mortal world, right?
[1:36] Sarah Saltzberg: Right.
[1:37] Joe Gilford: I can't keep zipping around like that.
[1:39] Sarah Saltzberg: I already have an arrhythmia.
[1:41] Joe Gilford: Did you make it to Hollywoodland this time?
[1:43] Sarah Saltzberg: No, I didn't make it to Hollywoodland this time, and I don't care to either.
[1:48] Joe Gilford: Well, then where were you, if not Hollywoodland?
[1:51] Sarah Saltzberg: Here, there, and everywhere like a spotted hyena.
[1:54] Joe Gilford: And for what?
[1:55] Sarah Saltzberg: Just to race back up to the heavens and watch your frothy game show?
[2:00] Joe Gilford: But Hermes, it's no fun to watch alone.
[2:04] Sarah Saltzberg: You know art was meant to be shared.
[2:07] Joe Gilford: What do you call Dancing Among Stars art, boss?
[2:11] Sarah Saltzberg: Starry night is art. Weekend glory is art. Dancing Among Stars is just big business.
[2:19] Joe Gilford: Well, I'd say it's the finest artistic expression you've ever introduced the heavens to.
[2:25] Sarah Saltzberg: Hardly. It fills me with such passion, such joy, like your Lyra used to.
[2:33] Joe Gilford: Used to?
[2:34] Sarah Saltzberg: And isn't that what art does best? It cracks open the soul and fertilizes the brain.
[2:40] Joe Gilford: It holds up a mirror, or a mirror ball, as the case may be, and reflects the world back unto itself.
[2:50] Sarah Saltzberg: But Hollywoodland isn't your world. You're not God of reality-based competition. She owes you God of thunder and sky. Your reign is much deeper than all that.
[3:01] Joe Gilford: The Foxtrot, the Mambo, oh, the Bliss! And the semifinals are tonight, so...
[3:08] Sarah Saltzberg: So what? Big money, big ratings?
[3:10] Joe Gilford: Big lifts! Big freestyles!
[3:13] Sarah Saltzberg: Hooray! There's no one I'd rather share the moment with than you.
[3:19] Joe Gilford: Boy, do they have use, though. Hermes, the freestyle can be a window into the dancer's soul.
[3:27] Sarah Saltzberg: But they produce all that malarkey for profit.
[3:31] Joe Gilford: If anything, it's the art of commerce.
[3:35] Sarah Saltzberg: That's for the world to decide, Hermes. Not us.
[3:39] Joe Gilford: Meanwhile, the heavens are a mess.
[3:42] Sarah Saltzberg: I can't help it. I've been busy catching up on old seasons.
[3:46] Joe Gilford: Well, I can't manage two worlds at once. I'm already spread too thin on your behalf.
[3:52] Sarah Saltzberg: I haven't represented myself in the mortal world in eons.
[3:56] Joe Gilford: My point exactly. They used to be so afraid of me.
[4:00] Sarah Saltzberg: Oh, yeah? Did you smite any of them while I was gone?
[4:04] Joe Gilford: You're thinking of the old Zeus. You're losing your touch.
[4:09] Sarah Saltzberg: Hermes. All this dancing is taking a toll on you.
[4:13] Joe Gilford: I haven't smited anyone in years. Well, not with the mirror ball of foot.
[4:18] Sarah Saltzberg: Get back to smiting.
[4:20] Joe Gilford: I couldn't. Keep the mortals in line. Besides, the mortals do a good enough job smiting themselves these days.
[4:29] Sarah Saltzberg: Whatever. Tell me about your trip.
[4:32] Joe Gilford: If you didn't make it to Hollywoodland, did you at least get to practice your Lyra?
[4:37] Sarah Saltzberg: Did I at least get to practice my Lyra? When would I practice my Lyra? I barely had time to pee!
[4:44] Joe Gilford: You can't neglect your art.
[4:47] Sarah Saltzberg: And I can't neglect my urinary tract, either. I'm not a mortal like you. I have a finite window in which to finish my work. So something has to give.
[4:58] Joe Gilford: Well, perhaps you can play some Lyra after we find out who gets voted off our show.
[5:05] Sarah Saltzberg: It's your show. And I'm afraid you won't be hearing my Lyra anymore.
[5:10] Joe Gilford: But you love making music.
[5:12] Sarah Saltzberg: Oh, what's the use? I'll never get the concentrated time I need to really create.
[5:19] Joe Gilford: So, make time.
[5:21] Sarah Saltzberg: Are you kidding me? I can't just snap my fingers and make time. Not as long as I'm working for you, I can't.
[5:29] Joe Gilford: Take a vacation, then.
[5:30] Sarah Saltzberg: A vacation? Maybe Sagittarius could fill in for a while.
[5:35] Joe Gilford: Right! I'd meet that like a hole in the head! The work would just pile up. And who would represent you?
[5:42] Sarah Saltzberg: No one. We'd figure it out. Just know that freakish centaur, or maybe it was a bull, dookied in the clouds or something because I slipped on an awful mess trying to get back up here in time.
[5:52] Joe Gilford: Oh, Hermes.
[5:54] Sarah Saltzberg: It's not funny, boss.
[5:56] Joe Gilford: I fell down and popped the strings right off my Lyra.
[5:59] Sarah Saltzberg: So call the string shop. Their number is in my phone, right below Rashad and Emma.
[6:06] Joe Gilford: What about the wings?
[6:07] Sarah Saltzberg: I busted off my sandals trying to stand back up again.
[6:11] Joe Gilford: Call the cobbler.
[6:12] Sarah Saltzberg: Call the cobbler. He's right below Bindi and Derek.
[6:15] Joe Gilford: I don't need your charity, boss. Or the aggravation. I don't need busted sandals and broken Lyra.
[6:22] Sarah Saltzberg: I cared about those things, just like I care about your portfolio.
[6:27] Joe Gilford: I'm not like the bull or the centaur. They're just horsing around.
[6:38] Sarah Saltzberg: Ha ha. So funny, I forgot to laugh.
[6:41] Joe Gilford: Oh, you need a rest.
[6:44] Sarah Saltzberg: What have the bull and the centaur ever done for your reign? Why do they get preferential treatment if they're just going to crap all over our work?
[6:53] Joe Gilford: I'll speak with them, okay?
[6:55] Sarah Saltzberg: You can't dole out constellations like toilet paper. Constellations should be awarded based on merit at the end of one's career.
[7:04] Joe Gilford: You know I could never retire. Thunder and sky, it's a big job.
[7:09] Sarah Saltzberg: Tell that to my cardiologist. The scope of it all is finally catching up with me.
[7:15] Joe Gilford: So, what are you saying, Hermes?
[7:18] Sarah Saltzberg: I can't keep traveling up and down like this. It's bad for my knees. I have a business to run, and you're my right-hand demigod. Your imprint is part of every major work stream.
[7:30] Joe Gilford: I am every major work stream. I'm your surrogate. And note that I didn't say constellations should be awarded at the end of your career.
[7:40] Sarah Saltzberg: I said constellations should be awarded at the end of one's career.
[7:46] Joe Gilford: Hmm. Which one?
[7:48] Sarah Saltzberg: The figurative one. A deserving one. Based on merit.
[7:54] Joe Gilford: Right. Based on merit.
[7:57] Sarah Saltzberg: Like the mirror ball.
[7:59] Joe Gilford: Right. Like the mirror ball.
[8:03] Sarah Saltzberg: Hmm. I bet Hollywoodland is nice.
[8:07] Joe Gilford: If you're into that sort of thing.
[8:09] Sarah Saltzberg: Of course, mortals only know me as a vengeful god.
[8:14] Joe Gilford: I'm getting tired of it all, though. The work is too taxing. The god before Paso and Tango and Viennese Waltz.
[8:24] Sarah Saltzberg: Hurry up and stand still. That's the nature of work.
[8:28] Joe Gilford: They only know me as a god before art.
[8:32] Sarah Saltzberg: Before you and your Lyra. I'd like to stay in just one spot for a while. I'd like to carve a little niche. I'd like to make my mark.
[8:42] Joe Gilford: But you've already made your mark, Hermes. You've given me so much.
[8:49] Sarah Saltzberg: A few good years is all I need. A little concentrated time to practice Lyra.
[8:56] Joe Gilford: Then take it.
[8:58] Sarah Saltzberg: What?
[8:59] Joe Gilford: Take the time, Hermes.
[9:01] Sarah Saltzberg: That's what I'm trying to tell you. Retire.
[9:06] Joe Gilford: I'm too invested to retire.
[9:09] Sarah Saltzberg: Then call it something else.
[9:11] Joe Gilford: Call it restructuring.
[9:13] Sarah Saltzberg: Restructuring?
[9:15] Joe Gilford: Yes. I see the mortals do it all the time. Like when Tyra replaced Tom. I'll start representing myself again.
[9:24] Sarah Saltzberg: Are the mortals scared of you?
[9:26] Joe Gilford: They're scared of the old Zeus. The Zeus before art.
[9:32] Sarah Saltzberg: Well, that's a beautiful sentiment, boss. But is anyone going to believe it?
[9:37] Joe Gilford: Why wouldn't they? Who better to teach those mortals a thing or two about dancing among stars than the god of thunder and sky?
[9:48] Sarah Saltzberg: Okay. But what about me? Where would I go in all this restructuring?
[9:54] Joe Gilford: Well, you'll stay here.
[9:56] Sarah Saltzberg: For real?
[9:58] Joe Gilford: You'll cement your niche in the heavens. You'll plant your roots and play Lyra for all the world to hear.
[10:07] Sarah Saltzberg: You mean like a constellation?
[10:11] Joe Gilford: A constellation.
[10:13] Sarah Saltzberg: For you and your Lyra.
[10:16] Joe Gilford: For the artist within.
[10:22] Sarah Saltzberg: Wow, boss. I'm speechless. The old Zeus would have never considered this.
[10:31] Joe Gilford: I think it's time.
[10:33] Sarah Saltzberg: But don't you think this is all a bit abstract? Don't you think this whole concept is a little too frothy and saccharine?
[10:44] Joe Gilford: What is art and all that?
[10:46] Sarah Saltzberg: That's for the world to decide, Hermes. Not us.
[10:51] Joe Gilford: I guess you're right.
[10:53] Sarah Saltzberg: Hey, who got voted off?
[10:57] Joe Gilford: I missed it. We'll have to stream it again tomorrow.
[11:00] Sarah Saltzberg: And every day after.
[11:03] Joe Gilford: To the last syllable of recorded time.
[11:06] Sarah Saltzberg: Ars longa vita brevis.
[11:10] Joe Gilford: Ars longa vita brevis.
[11:14] Sarah Saltzberg: Ars longa vita brevis.
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